Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more

One school of thoughts believe that nowadays youngsters have a lot of spare
time
, and that should be utilized to improve academic performance. I agree to some extent that
children
should invest their
time
studying but I believe that
children
should consider going out and engaging in
extra-curicular activies
Correct your spelling
extracurricular activities
to spend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
spare
time
. In the
folowing
Correct your spelling
following
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss the importance of resourcefully utilizing the
time
.
Firstly
, when
children
use their extra
time
in studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
, it will boost their academic performance. Spending some extra
time
on improving
week
Replace the word
weekly
show examples
subjects can eventually assist students
to gain
Change preposition
in gaining
show examples
better results. A study has been conducted in which it was witnessed that students who study one hour extra on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
basis tend to achieve better outcomes as compared to others.
Secondly
, schools
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
cut down on
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
home work
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
and regular schooling hours in order to reduce stress
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
give more
time
for
extra-curicular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activities and promote engaging in physical activities
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
cycling, playing soccer, cricket, badminton and many more. Consuming extra
time
doing something productive or
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
hobbies of interest will not only refresh young minds but
also
improve physical
as well as
mental health. In recent times it has been
obsereved
Correct your spelling
observed
that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of innovative minds did not like to study
instead
Correct word choice
but instead
show examples
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
hobbies of interest, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
inquisitive brain development and lots of innovations. So, studying all the
time
is not the only thing to do
instead
children
should go out and explore the world.
To conclude
, how to utilize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
is an individual's decision but, focusing
o
Change preposition
on
show examples
physical, mental and other interests could be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
option than
burring
Correct your spelling
burying
show examples
oneself into books all the
time
.
Submitted by rohan.ahmed488 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay would benefit from stronger development of ideas and more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the second and third paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Working on sentence structure and avoiding repetition can improve the clarity and sophistication of your writing, particularly in the introduction and conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the prompt, setting up a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
You provided a relevant example about students studying extra hours and achieving better results, which supports your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!