It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

#travel #mind #countries #first

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the modern era, everybody has

resources

Correct article usage

the resources

show examples

to visit foreign countries that help them to broaden their horizon.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there are certain things that can be learnt by travelling to other nations.

However

Linking Words

, I think individuals should give more preference to explore their own countries. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss both statements in the upcoming paragraphs with my own viewpoints.

To begin

Linking Words

with, by visiting other countries, one can learn about the culture and traditions of that nation.

For instance

Linking Words

, when a person goes to other places, he gets a chance to meet new people and learn about their culture like what they wear

Change the punctuation

show examples

and what they eat?

as well as

Linking Words

about their history by visiting their historical places.

As a result

Linking Words

, it not only helps them to enhance their knowledge about others by exploring things but

also

Linking Words

increases their chances of employment in future.

However

Linking Words

, the first priority should be their own

country

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, some people do not know about their

country

Use synonyms

's biggest tourist attractions owing to

this

Linking Words

firstly

Linking Words

, they should check that

then

Linking Words

they should decide whether they intend to visit another

country

Use synonyms

or not as it can be less expensive to explore own land compared to others.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, money can be saved to travel to more places because if they choose to go to other residents

then

Linking Words

they have to pay for plane tickets.

Consequently

Linking Words

, visiting own

country

Use synonyms

has more benefits than another one. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there are certain positive things about being to other nations, exploring your own nation can be a great option to consider. In my perspective, I would say, citizens should first visit their own

country

Use synonyms

to attain depth knowledge of history and tradition.

Submitted by simranjot0002 on Sat May 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly by using topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph addresses a single main idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your ideas are fully explained and developed. In some parts of the essay, the ideas were introduced but not fully expanded upon, which can reduce clarity.

Task Achievement

While specific examples are provided, they could be more detailed. Try to give concrete examples and elaborate on them more comprehensively to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the main points of your essay.

Task Achievement

You did a good job of presenting arguments for both sides of the discussion, which shows a balanced viewpoint.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the task prompt well, providing a complete response to the questions posed.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.
Recently there has been fierce debate between parents who think, whether a child should learn how to behave in good manners in society, in educational centers or by parents themselves. Although both may have their logical reasons, I believe that school should take this burden on its shoulder.
7.5
band
some people think governments should spend money on measures to save language with few speakers from dying out completely. others think this is a waste of financial resources. discuss both views and give your opinion.
Languages play an important role in everyone's life.It is a way to communicate,but these days native speech is becoming extinct.So it is often argued by a few masses that governance should use the money for conserving the mother tongue as culture is also a crucial part of the country's identity.However, others opine that it is a disuse of economic resources.This essay will discuss both views as far as I am concerned I am in favour of the former notion.
4
band
Many factory foods and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.
A high number of factory products like food and drink contains so much sugar which is harmful to human body. There is an argument that sugary product should be sell pricy, so that people will choose to consume home-made food as daily consumption and the factory will limit their production in sugary product. This essay agree that sugary product should be sell in a high price.
<4
band
Environmental problems are too great to be managed by individuals. Real change can only be made at the government level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
it is argued that is beyond a person's capacity to handle the magnitude of environmental issus while
5
band
Some people say that music is a good way of ringing people of different cultures and ages together to extent do you agree or disagree with this opionion.
Music can be defined as a form of arts which unites people from different backgrounds. To treasure a special moment, often musicians compose a song which dedicated to this event. There are other forms which can represent the unity of culture, such as paintings or speeches. However, melody and lyrics generally deliver a message which is easier to understand compared to other form of arts. Therefore, I agree that music is capable to bring community with diverse cultures together as most human are able to interpret the meaning.

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.

some people think governments should spend money on measures to save language with few speakers from dying out completely. others think this is a waste of financial resources. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many factory foods and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Environmental problems are too great to be managed by individuals. Real change can only be made at the government level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is a good way of ringing people of different cultures and ages together to extent do you agree or disagree with this opionion.