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Writing Samples
Band 2

Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimize the risks?

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 try
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
. I think young
people
Use synonyms
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to interest
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
isnt carry
Wrong verb form
aren't carried
show examples
 about for life. They don't have enough
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
. They just want to
catching
Change the verb
catch
show examples
 action. But
this
Linking Words
 is more dangerous for them and their family.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more energy and they
fearless
Add a missing verb
are fearless
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
 social media
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important for that. Particularly many young
people
Use synonyms
 doing dangerous
think
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
come
Wrong verb form
there have
show examples
 to many
interaction
Change to a plural noun
interactions
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 they
happy
Add a missing verb
are happy
show examples
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 that.
While
Linking Words
 some young
people
Use synonyms
felling
Correct your spelling
feeling
show examples
 alone. They are searching
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 popular activities. If they
sucsesfull
Correct your spelling
successfully
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
dangeous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 after
meet
Add an article
the meet
show examples
 to more
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
people
Use synonyms
. Because now they
popular
Add a missing verb
are popular
show examples
 and if
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 happy more that. They
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to
up level
Add a hyphen
up-level
show examples
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
. Like
climb
Wrong verb form
climbing
show examples
 to
building
Correct article usage
a building
show examples
, fighting or
slide
Wrong verb form
sliding
show examples
 down the
mounthain
Correct your spelling
mountain
 with
skateboard
Add an article
a skateboard
the skateboard
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
I'm not agree
Change the verb form
I do not agree
show examples
 with that kind of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
. Because
healy
Change the capitalization
Healy
healthy
show examples
 life is very
importand
Correct your spelling
important
. I saw
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 youtube many young
people
Use synonyms
 cripple after
dangeours
Correct your spelling
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
. Parents have to
analise
Correct your spelling
analyse
 kids and should make the right orientation.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay attempts to address the topic but lacks specific structure in terms of paragraphs. Consider splitting your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs (each focusing on a single main idea), and conclusion.
task achievement
You have relevant points and examples. However, they need better explanation and should be supported with more specific details. Try to extend your ideas and make sure they are thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and word choices that make the essay difficult to understand in places.
task achievement
You have made an effort to engage with the topic and provided reasons why young people are drawn towards dangerous sports.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear opinion and conclusion which rounds up the essay nicely.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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