Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimize the risks?

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Introduction

Nowadays many

people

Use synonyms

try

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

. I think young

people

Use synonyms

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to interest

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

Linking Words

young

people

Use synonyms

isnt carry

Wrong verb form

aren't carried

show examples

about for life. They don't have enough

experiance

Correct your spelling

experience

. They just want to

catching

Change the verb

catch

show examples

action. But

this

Linking Words

is more dangerous for them and their family.

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

more energy and they

fearless

Add a missing verb

are fearless

show examples

Body paragraph 2

Secondly

Linking Words

social media

very

Add a missing verb

is very

show examples

important for that. Particularly many young

people

Use synonyms

doing dangerous

think

Correct your spelling

things

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

come

Wrong verb form

there have

show examples

to many

interaction

Change to a plural noun

interactions

show examples

Then

Linking Words

they

happy

Add a missing verb

are happy

show examples

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

that.

While

Linking Words

some young

people

Use synonyms

felling

Correct your spelling

feeling

show examples

alone. They are searching

some

Change preposition

for some

show examples

popular activities. If they

sucsesfull

Correct your spelling

successfully

for

Change preposition

show examples

dangeous

Correct your spelling

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

after

meet

Add an article

the meet

show examples

to more

differnt

Correct your spelling

different

people

Use synonyms

. Because now they

popular

Add a missing verb

are popular

show examples

and if

they

Add a verb

they are

they were

show examples

happy more that. They

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

up level

Add a hyphen

up-level

show examples

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

. Like

climb

Wrong verb form

climbing

show examples

building

Correct article usage

a building

show examples

, fighting or

slide

Wrong verb form

sliding

show examples

down the

mounthain

Correct your spelling

mountain

with

skateboard

Add an article

a skateboard

the skateboard

show examples

Conclusion

To sum up

Linking Words

I'm not agree

Change the verb form

I do not agree

show examples

with that kind of

Use synonyms

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

show examples

. Because

healy

Change the capitalization

Healy

healthy

show examples

life is very

importand

Correct your spelling

important

. I saw

Change preposition

show examples

youtube many young

people

Use synonyms

cripple after

dangeours

Correct your spelling

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

. Parents have to

analise

Correct your spelling

analyse

kids and should make the right orientation.

oguzozgurugur

May 18, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay attempts to address the topic but lacks specific structure in terms of paragraphs. Consider splitting your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs (each focusing on a single main idea), and conclusion.

task achievement

You have relevant points and examples. However, they need better explanation and should be supported with more specific details. Try to extend your ideas and make sure they are thoroughly explained.

task achievement

Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and word choices that make the essay difficult to understand in places.

task achievement

You have made an effort to engage with the topic and provided reasons why young people are drawn towards dangerous sports.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear opinion and conclusion which rounds up the essay nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

172 words

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Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimize the risks?

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy food. Do you agree or disagree?

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?