Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimize the risks?

#people #sports #measures #risks

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Nowadays many

people

Use synonyms

try

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dangerous

sports

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. I think young

people

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wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to interest

Firstly

Linking Words

young

people

Use synonyms

isnt carry

Wrong verb form

aren't carried

show examples

about for life. They don't have enough

experiance

Correct your spelling

experience

. They just want to

catching

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catch

show examples

action. But

this

Linking Words

is more dangerous for them and their family.

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

more energy and they

fearless

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are fearless

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

social media

very

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is very

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important for that. Particularly many young

people

Use synonyms

doing dangerous

think

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things

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

come

Wrong verb form

there have

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to many

interaction

Change to a plural noun

interactions

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Then

Linking Words

they

happy

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are happy

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for

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about

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that.

While

Linking Words

some young

people

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felling

Correct your spelling

feeling

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alone. They are searching

some

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for some

show examples

popular activities. If they

sucsesfull

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successfully

for

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show examples

dangeous

Correct your spelling

dangerous

sports

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after

meet

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the meet

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to more

differnt

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different

people

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. Because now they

popular

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are popular

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and if

they

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they are

they were

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happy more that. They

wants

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want

show examples

up level

Add a hyphen

up-level

show examples

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

. Like

climb

Wrong verb form

climbing

show examples

building

Correct article usage

a building

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, fighting or

slide

Wrong verb form

sliding

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down the

mounthain

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mountain

with

skateboard

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a skateboard

the skateboard

show examples

To sum up

Linking Words

I'm not agree

Change the verb form

I do not agree

show examples

with that kind of

Use synonyms

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

show examples

. Because

healy

Change the capitalization

Healy

healthy

show examples

life is very

importand

Correct your spelling

important

. I saw

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show examples

youtube many young

people

Use synonyms

cripple after

dangeours

Correct your spelling

dangerous

sports

Use synonyms

. Parents have to

analise

Correct your spelling

analyse

kids and should make the right orientation.

Submitted by oguzozgurugur on Sat May 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay attempts to address the topic but lacks specific structure in terms of paragraphs. Consider splitting your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs (each focusing on a single main idea), and conclusion.

task achievement

You have relevant points and examples. However, they need better explanation and should be supported with more specific details. Try to extend your ideas and make sure they are thoroughly explained.

task achievement

Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are several grammatical errors and word choices that make the essay difficult to understand in places.

task achievement

You have made an effort to engage with the topic and provided reasons why young people are drawn towards dangerous sports.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear opinion and conclusion which rounds up the essay nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

172 words

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Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimize the risks?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is that happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a professional fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish

Some people think that the government should establish free libraries in each town. Others, however, believe that it is a waste of money since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?