Scientists agree that many people eat too mucch junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Lots of
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
illustrate
that there is an increase in Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
population
consuming fast Correct article usage
the population
food
, which affects negatively on
their health. Whether Change preposition
apply
this
matters
can be dealt Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
by
Change preposition
with by
education
or not is a controversial topic. Although
many people
argue that this
solution is possible, this
writer opposes this
opinion due to
service
and addictive substances of junk Correct article usage
the service
food
.
It should be acknowledged that junk food
contains numerous addictive substances. As these meals are usually high in saturated fats and added sugars, he
flavour is appealing and attractive, which makes consumers get Correct your spelling
the
obessed
with them. Because of Correct your spelling
obsessed
this
fact, people
tend to eat more in spite of knowing its detrimental impact on their health..
Taking the USA as an example, there is a high rate of citizens who Replace the punctuation
.
...
get
Verb problem
are
obesity
. Replace the word
obese
Hence
, education
cannot solved
properly Change the verb form
solve
this
issue.
However
, some individuals argue that educating people
since they are children about fast food
’s impact is efficient. In other words
, teenagers are able to understand its danger and would avoid it. Although
this
idea has its own logic, it is difficult to prevent humans from their desire to try new things. Additionally
, due to
companies’ colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
advertisement
, children are persuaded to Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
gie
Correct your spelling
give
a
try and find it hard to resist. Correct pronoun usage
it a
Thus
, there must be additional policies, not only education
, to change consumer behaviour.
From personal
perspective, fast Add an article
a personal
food
is popular because of companies’ services. Not only being
fast to serve customersWrong verb form
is it
,
the affordable price Add the word(s)
, but
also
attracts residents to pay for them rather than choosing healthy meals. According to
a survey in Australia, the majority of participants chose to grab a snack on their go to satisfy their carvings.
Taking all into consideration, education
is not efficient enough to deal with this
problem. Hence
, local authorities should come up with strategies to make junk food
less tempting to people
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your argument. At the beginning, you mentioned that education is not a suitable solution, but later you acknowledged its partial effectiveness. A more consistent stance strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and variety. Some sentences are repetitive, and enhancing variety can make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and statistics to support your points. For instance, specifying what kind of addictive substances are in junk food and how exactly these adverts influence children can add more depth to your argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and word choices. For example, 'obessed' should be 'obsessed' and 'researchs' should be 'research.' Addressing these will improve readability.
task achievement
It’s good that you acknowledged the complexity of the issue by discussing both viewpoints clearly.
coherence cohesion
You used appropriate linking words and phrases like 'although,' 'in other words,' and 'additionally,' which help improve the flow of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?