It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

#travel #mind #countries #first

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I do agree that travelling is one of the best

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

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of learning. By travelling, I can learn a new perspective from different

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

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of people,

new

Correct article usage

a new

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culture from the cities I visited, and perhaps build

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

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with strangers I met

a long

Correct your spelling

along

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the way. I personally prefer to start

explore from

Wrong verb form

exploring

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my own

city

. It is an amusing experience to act like a tourist in your own

city

. We might just experience only

small

Correct article usage

a small

show examples

part of the

city

all

this

time. Who knows by exploring the new side of the

city

, we can find the new favorite dishes, or maybe a whole new cultures that align with our values. And I can say I'm lucky to be born in Indonesia

Remove the comma

apply

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because Indonesia has a lot of beautiful

city

Change to a plural noun

cities

show examples

with amazing

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

heritages

Fix the agreement mistake

heritage

show examples

. We have 5 big islands here, Sumatra, Java, Papua, Sulawesi, and Kalimantan.

And my

Correct word choice

show examples

goals

Fix the agreement mistake

goal

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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to have

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

show examples

to hike the mountains

Change preposition

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each

Change preposition

apply

show examples

island. The main issue regarding domestic travel in my country is airfare

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

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too high. The cost of flying from Java to Sulawesi, which

spends

Verb problem

takes

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around 3 hours, is more expensive than flying from Java to Korea, which

spends

Verb problem

takes

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more than 3 hours. No wonder many people in my country

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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more likely to choose

travelling

Change the verb form

to travel

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abroad.

Submitted by brendaandrina on Sun May 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to write a stronger introduction and conclusion to clearly outline your thesis and summarize your main points.

coherence cohesion

Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence to make your main ideas more apparent to the reader.

task achievement

Although the essay presents relevant examples, it could benefit from more specific details and analysis. For instance, you could elaborate on how interacting with different cultures can influence one's mindset.

task achievement

Avoid minor grammatical errors and aim for varied sentence structures to enhance readability.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant examples and personal experiences, which add depth to the argument.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear logical structure, and ideas are presented in a coherent manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

216 words

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It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Last month you had a holiday overseas.Where you stay with some friends.They just sent you some holiday photos. Write a letter your friends,in your letter. •thank them for the holiday and the photos •explain why do you didn't write earlier •invite them to come and stay with you

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvato ntages of this development? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments

In many cities, there is little control on the design and construction of new houses. Some people think that people can choose to build houses in their own styles instead of building them with the same style as the old house style in local areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many developing countries there’s an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the city Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?