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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the number of foreign tourists visiting country X in 2019 and 2020.

The graph shows the number of foreign tourists visiting country X in 2019 and 2020.
The bar chart delineates how many overseas visitors came to X country, counted in
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
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, and the table demonstrates how much money was earned per year by different businesses in X country, measured in
million
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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, in 2019 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is a downturn in both datasets, with the most drastic decline witnessed in the number of US and Canadian foreign tourists and the amount of hotel and resort revenue. In terms of the figure for cross-bordered travellers visiting X country,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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from
Change preposition
apply
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China and Japan commanded the largest share, at approximately 3000 in 2019, which deteriorated exponentially to 2000 after one year. A similar change can be seen in the figure for Australia, but to a lesser extent from just under 3000 to around nearly 2500.
Moreover
Linking Words
, around 2000 tourists came from Europe
and
Correct word choice
apply
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the US and Canada,
subsequently
Linking Words
 declining to 1000 to Europe and only roughly 300 to the latter. Regarding the amount of yearly income of distinct businesses, that of
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 and
resort
Correct subject-verb agreement
resorts
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 far exceeded that of
restaurant
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restaurants
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,
bar
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bars
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 and souvenir shops, with the respective numbers being 3.5
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 2.4
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2019. After 1 year,
while
Linking Words
 the hotel and resort revenue observed a dramatic decrease to one-seven, at 0.5
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 to be specific, the data for the others declined by half.
Similarly
Linking Words
, around 1.3
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 was earned from transportation, travel
agent
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agents
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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tour guides, small vendors, and other services in 2019, with a subsequent fall to 0.4
million
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 and 1.1
million
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dollars
Use synonyms
 respectively.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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