IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Many individuals believe that animals experiment are harmful and should be banned,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think scientists can
use
Use synonyms
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
 for
trail
Correct your spelling
trial
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. It is not suitable for any creatures
due to
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 their health issues and doctors can
use
Use synonyms
 computers as alternatives.
Firstly
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, clinical trial of any new medicines and vaccines has detrimental effects.
Additionally
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, it hampers
on
Change preposition
apply
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physical
as well as
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 mental development.
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Due to pushing
Change preposition
Pushing
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 unknown drugs on the body,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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creates unbearable pain.
In addition
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, monkeys, dogs, cats and rabbits are attached
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to a cage for conducting an experiment.
As a result
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, their normal life cycle is
disrupting
Wrong verb form
disrupted
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.
For example
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, some researchers conducted research and found that
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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 of our environment is destroying
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 medical
trails
Correct your spelling
trials
show examples
 and some rare species
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 already vanished
for
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 internal effects. It not only
stop
Change the verb form
stops
show examples
 their growth but
also
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 affects breeding activities.
Consequently
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, some beasts
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 disappeared in our environment.
On the other hand
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, authorities can
use
Use synonyms
 some alternative methods. They will
use
Use synonyms
 artificial intelligence systems. Using computers and
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
, they produce human structures and artificial cells, which look like a person.
Moreover
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, they implement their drugs on it and it is safe for everyone.
Besides
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, they can get their data easily by using computer programmes.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, doctors made an automatic human body and applied their discovered vaccines and they found a good result. In conclusion, all creatures are important for our communities.
Although
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 there are some extra benefits
for experiment
Change preposition
to experimenting
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 on animals, it is not supported by educated people. The government should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 process and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 a rule for applying
another methods
Replace the adjective
another method
other methods
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. While you discuss both sides of the argument, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the alternatives to animal experimentation.
task achievement
Work on clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas. Some points are briefly mentioned and could be elaborated further to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. The essay contains general examples which should be more specific and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there’s a logical flow from one idea to the next within paragraphs. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt and could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with adequate evidence or details to provide a more persuasive argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the issue, which demonstrates an understanding of the different views.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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