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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Women play quite different role in society than twenty years ago. They make career growth, earn money, drive cars and spend less time with their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Nowadays females are involved in various fields than two decades before. The number of
women
Use synonyms
 workers and drivers increasing, so they don't have much
time
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 for their families. There are some benefits of
this
Linking Words
 idea like
women
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 can help with some of the house chores and solve little problems.
However
Linking Words
, it may lead to reducing their spending
time
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 for their babies.
Thus
Linking Words
, it would affect the education level and the behaviour of the kid. On the one hand, it will be beneficial for society if
women
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 play various roles like starting government
work
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 or doing career development. Most men
work
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 during the day and some of them
work
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 at night.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they don't have much
time
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 for even small things like shopping or just taking their children to kindergarten.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it would be advantageous if females were well informed about how to drive a car and they could earn money as a taxi driver.
For example
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, my uncle works on our local farm for six days a week and he cannot do anything for his family during these days.
However
Linking Words
, his wife taught his wife how to drive, and now she does all the shopping and takes his baby to kindergarten where she is working as an educator to improve the financial situation of her family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it may influence the behaviour of the kid, if both mother and father
work
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 almost every week. Children tend to be more attentive and impressionable in their early years,
that is
Linking Words
 why, they should be
together with
Linking Words
 their parents until 4 or 5 years old. The parents are the most essential people in a kid's life they learn all things from their parents, from how to speak to how to behave in different situations.
For example
Linking Words
, my brother works in an oil factory and his wife is a teacher. The fate of his 2-year-old boy is in my mother's hands. But, there are already negative changes in my cousin's mind like he doesn't want to spend
time
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 with his mother. In conclusion, the role of
women
Use synonyms
 in society
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased more than two decades ago. It has some positive sides as they may help with some of the
work
Use synonyms
 for their family and they can earn some money by getting the job,
however
Linking Words
, the negative side is they cannot spare their
time
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 for their children and it would affect the
overall
Linking Words
 thinking of the child.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with more details and examples. For instance, provide specific benefits of women in the workforce beyond helping with household chores.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clearer transitions between your points to improve the flow of your argument. Consider using linking words or phrases more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to clarify the relationship between your examples and your arguments. Sometimes, the connection can be vague or not explicitly stated.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points about the roles women play in society today versus twenty years ago.
Task Achievement
Your essay presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of women's changing roles, which is commendable.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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