IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The three pie charts illustrate the changes in annual spending by local government in Someland in three different year

The three pie charts illustrate the changes in annual spending by local government in Someland in three different year
The three pie charts show the expenditure of
Someland
Correct article usage
the Someland
show examples
 government in different sectors in the following years 1980, 1990 and 2000. The local authorities spent on K-12 education was 25% in 1980, 20% in 1990 and 18% in 2000, In
overall
Linking Words
, the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
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 school education was reduced from 25% to 18%.
Further
Linking Words
, the government took more responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the higher studies and
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 spending 35% of
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
budget
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rose to 45% in 1990 and again the percentage of
budget
Use synonyms
 allocation was
felldown
Correct your spelling
fell down
 to 40% in the year 2000. The other major services,
such
Linking Words
 as Health & human resources, Environmental protection, and public transportation facilities all together the
budget
Use synonyms
 allocated is an average of 35% in all three decades.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the government majorly focused on
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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quality education to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and allocated huge funds in their
budget
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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