Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many young students tend to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time off before going to university. Some
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
going
to
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apply
show examples
overseas for
trip
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the trip
a trip
show examples
, or working beforehand to gain experience.
Is
Verb problem
Does
show examples
it actually help to develop their skills when they come back to study?
This
essay will explain about
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the advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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of
traveling
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travelling
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to other countries before
return
Wrong verb form
returning
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to education. There are some young
people
who go
to trip
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on trips
show examples
before start studying.
Apparently
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Apparently,
show examples
it is common
,
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to travel
show examples
that is
traveling overseas for Germans. I met some Germans whose ages were under 20 years old. Most of
company
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the company
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looking for
people
with high-standard communication skills
due to
globalization, so that could be
advantage
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the advantage
an advantage
show examples
of
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in
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cultivating communication skills with
foreingers
Correct your spelling
foreigners
.
Additionally
, interacting with
people
from
over
Rephrase
all over
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the world is a good way to stimulate themselves. Most of the time young students are not quite sure what they want to do after graduate university. In Japan, young
people
feel the pressure from
the
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apply
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society, that they have to get
academic
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an academic
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education and work in
well-known
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a well-known
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company.
Therefore
they study something not interested in,
then
get a job without a passion. I believe it is better to have
a
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apply
show examples
time off to explore themselves before
decide
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deciding
show examples
which path they want to choose.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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I agree to take a break before studying in university. As
,
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apply
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it is the most important to pursue their passion for their
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
.
Throughout experience
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Experience
show examples
in
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apply
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overseas,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
help them
what
Change preposition
with what
show examples
truly want to do
for
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in
show examples
their life.
Submitted by arii0113 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your standpoint for a more cohesive structure.
language accuracy
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. For example, 'Some people is' should be 'Some people are.'
task achievement
Add more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your main points. For example, you could mention specific skills gained through travel or work experience.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and stays on topic, discussing potential benefits of taking a gap year before university.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of personal opinion to make the argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Non-academic life
  • Resume
  • Job market
  • Personal development
  • Broaden their worldviews
  • Academic pressures
  • Renewed focus
  • Loss of academic momentum
  • Career goals
  • Informed decisions
  • Soft skills
  • Communication
  • Problem-solving
  • Adaptability
  • Financial burden
  • Prolonged break
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