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Band 4.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The table clarifies the international purchase of the best five modern telephones between 2009 and 2013.
Overall
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, we notice from the chart that
Samsung
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 and Apple have the highest
sales
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 compared to other businesses.
Firstly
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, the figures indicate that the movement of mobile
sales
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 flourished in 2009.
For example
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, the
Nokia
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sales
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 target reached 443
million
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while
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Samsung
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 reached 223
million
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.
Furthermore
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, in 2011 some
companies
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company's
companies'
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profits were reduced;
in contrast
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, others achieved high income.
For example
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, the proportion of people who have
Samsung
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 phones increased to 333
million
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 compared to 223 in 2009,
while
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 individuals who have
Nokia
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 mobiles slightly reduced to 441 in 2011. In 2013, there was a drastic decrease in
Nokia
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sales
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 ;
however
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, the
sales
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 in
Samsung
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 witnessed moderate changes.
For example
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, the percentage of
sales
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 in
Nokia
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 dropped to 222
million
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;
Correct word choice
apply
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whereas
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,
in
Change preposition
whereas
show examples
Samsung
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 jumped to 445
million
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. We notice from the statistics that
Samsung
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 has been more demanding in recent years than other companies.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words samsung, sales, nokia, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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