Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it's damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education won't work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#scientists #people #junk #food #health #education #work

Scientists hold a belief that individuals overconsume fast

food

and it is detrimental to folks' health Yet,

this

issue is thought to be tackled by educating Individuals,

while

others argue that education is not the best solution for

this

problem. The author of

this

essay believes that education has a chance to prevent people from consuming an enormous amount of fast

food

. It is thought that education is not a utilitarian solution for helping people to cut down the amount of

junk

food

Correct word choice

Junk

show examples

junk

food

is famous for its convenience and its flavorful taste.

Also

, a majority of inhabitants are too busy to cook for themselves.

As a result

, fast

food

becomes the first priority when comes to

food

For example

, fast

food

stores are constructed all over the world to satisfy demands.

However

, the writer's opinion indicates that educating citizens can be done to address

this

phenomenon. Raising the awareness of the public about

junk

food

helps to cut down on the consumption of fast

food

. By showing individuals about all the processed preservatives, the consequences of eating fast

food

over the period may make

this

kind of

food

less appealing.

As a consequence

, the amount of consumed

junk

food

can be reduced. All in all,

it is clear that

fast

food

has negative impacts on Individual's health despite its addictive taste and affordable price.

However

this

can be all tackled by showing people about preservatives and the consequences of fast

food

Submitted by [email protected] on Sun May 19 2024

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task achievement

To strengthen the essay, further elaborate on key points with more specific examples or evidence. For instance, include statistical data or case studies to back up the claims made about the effectiveness of education in reducing fast food consumption.

coherence cohesion

Improve coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. Linking phrases or transitional words can help achieve a more connected and fluid argument, making it easier for readers to follow the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Clarify the conclusion. The final paragraph should succinctly reiterate the main points discussed and present a clear stance. Adding a sentence or two to summarize how education can serve as a viable solution will strengthen the essay’s concluding argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in understanding the argument.

task achievement

The author stays focused on the topic and manages to address both views regarding the solution to the problem of overconsumption of junk food.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it's damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education won't work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Technology has brought many benefits to people, however, some elderly have difficult using technology. What are the possible benefits of technology for the elderly population and how can they be encouraged to use it. Give answers and explainations to support your opion.

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Some poeple say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?