Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both view and give your own opinion
Presently,
beacause
of tedious and exhausting work or study, some Correct your spelling
because
people
tend to overeat junk food
instead
of cooking healthy homemade dishes. This
eating habit over a long period leads to some healthy
problems, Replace the word
health
such
as hearth-related
Correct your spelling
heart-related
diseaes
, Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
increase
blood pressure,... Some believe Wrong verb form
increased
education
is the main factor can
help Correct pronoun usage
that can
people
prefer eating healthy meal
to eating fast Fix the agreement mistake
meals
food
. The others
think that there are some factors Correct article usage
Others
can
make Correct pronoun usage
that can
people
do
not eat snacks, except Unnecessary verb
apply
education
. This
essay will illustrate both views and give my own opinion.
On one side of this
argument, education
has a big impact on this
issue. As we know, in fact that
the citizens often select Correct word choice
apply
food
base
on their taste, not the ingredients that are being put in them, so, Wrong verb form
based
this
habit can destroy the balance of human
body. Add an article
the human
However
, if people
have widen
knowledge, they can know fast Change the verb form
widened
food
has many processed preservates
and contain extremely high calories. Correct your spelling
preservatives
preserves
Moreover
, they can use social media learn
about helpful methods that can prevent it Fix the infinitive
to learn
throughout
videos of nutritious leaders to prevent Change preposition
through
this
issue. Therefore
, I think the
Correct article usage
apply
education
is the best way to ecourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
to make a healthy meal and limit snacks.
Moving onto another side of this
argument that education
cannot work on Correct article usage
a prober
prober
diet. It Correct your spelling
proper
bases
on the factories which create these snacks. They can replace harmful chemicals in the fast Wrong verb form
is based
food
with the healthy ingredients. For example
, the company can create a kind of hamburger that is
made from vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
instead
of meat or beef, can
benefit Correct pronoun usage
which can
for
human health.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
people
should choose a healthy diet and limit junk food
, because their health can be easily affected by unhealthy nourishment.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Try to address both views more evenly. Currently, the essay focuses more on the benefits of education while giving less attention to the opposing view. Balance the discussion to ensure a more thorough exploration of both sides.
task achievement
Aim to provide more relevant and specific examples. The example about hamburgers made from vegetables is a start, but additional detailed and varied examples would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one point to the next and that there is a clear connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Check for small language errors, particularly spelling and word choice (e.g., 'hearth-related' should be 'heart-related', 'increase blood pressure' should be 'increased blood pressure').
task achievement
The essay makes a good attempt to address the topic and discusses both views, providing reasons for each side.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and offer a frame for the discussion.