IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Wild
animals
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 are kept in
zoos
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 all over the world.
However
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, these places are tourist attractions in many countries and need wild fauna to attract visitors. I believe that wild creatures should not be kept in
zoos
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 and there should be alternative ways to see them.   Regarding the reasons for providing the immense benefits of having a zoo in our city. Most importantly, they attract tourists and make money for the city. Visitors get a chance to see wild
animals
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 that they would not see unless they travelled far away. Rare species, like Chinese panda, Indian tiger, or African rhino,
for example
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, are endangered and if we had no
zoos
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 they would die.
Zoos
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 care for these 
animals
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 and give us a chance to see them.
Therefore
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, we cannot underestimate the educational importance of
zoos
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.
However
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, many people feel that wild
animals
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 should be free. They should not be kept in cages and small areas in
Zoos
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.
This
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 is cruel to the
animals
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 and they often die because they are not in their natural habitat. We frequently see news stories about rare
animals
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 dying in
zoos
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 or getting sick because the area is not big enough or suitable for wild
animals
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 like lions or polar bears.
Also
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, these
animals
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 are unhappy and sometimes attack humans.
Lastly
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, Caging wild
animals
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 is unhealthy for the
animals
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 and is cruel. Even though both views put forward valid points,
however
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, I strongly believe that
zoos
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 are no place for wild
animals
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. If
animals
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 need to be cared for, they should be looked after in their natural habitat in game parks or wildlife reserves. I believe that governments should look after the precious wild
animals
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 in their country and should close down 
zoos
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 that profit from them. In conclusion,
although
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 people believe that
zoos
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 are good places to keep wild
animals
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 because they can earn money and educate people, I feel that we do not need
zoos
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 anymore. Technically, we can look at wild
animals
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 on the internet and we can feel happy knowing that they are free.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on examples within your essay to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Adding transitional phrases can further enhance the fluidity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words and ideas to maintain reader interest and enhance clarity.
task achievement
You presented a well-balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints, which showcases your ability to critically analyze the topic at hand.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, providing a strong framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with each point supporting your overall argument clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
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