IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for individuals and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #home #individuals #restaurants #canteens
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 are far
more
Change the word
apply
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better than, outdoor meals,
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family members and alone
people
Use synonyms
. I agree with the statement, in
this
Linking Words
 essay will be discussed in more detail. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 had enough time to do their own things,
in
Change preposition
apply
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nowadays they haven’t extra time to do things.
Such
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 as cooking, and cleaning their home like that.
As a result
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 are tempted, to their daily
consumption
Replace the word
consume
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 from restaurants and the canteen.
However
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, homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 can provide more benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, It may reduce health hazards,
such
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 as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and diabetes.
Secondly
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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foods
Use synonyms
 are more expensive because
people
Use synonyms
 can purchase from the market,
such
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 as vegetables, fish, and other ingredients, that help reduce their cost of living.
Thirdly
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, meal consumption at home
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would help to develop the family bond,
thus
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 cooking food at home
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may provide more benefits to the family and alone
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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,
resturent
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 food has led to many detrimental effects to the family and individuals.
firstly
Linking Words
 nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 are getting
to
Change preposition
apply
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health problems,
such
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 as cancer and childhood obesity,
therefore
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 it affects
to
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apply
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the healthcare system and society.
secondly
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, economic problems that meals are expensive more than homemade
foods
Use synonyms
. it is a waste of money.
Thirdly
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, it has led to a disconnect between family relationships. In conclusion, homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 could provide more benefits to the family and individuals. Reduce health problems, save money, and increase the family relationship.
Submitted by dhanushkalakmal19 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and provide supporting details
task achievement
Elaborate on your points with more relevant and specific examples to better support your arguments
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and pay attention to the use of transitions for smoother flow of ideas
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided reasons to support your opinion.
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