IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for individuals and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 are far
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better than, outdoor meals,
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members and alone
people
Use synonyms
. I agree with the statement, in
this
Linking Words
 essay will be discussed in more detail. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 had enough time to do their own things,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays they haven’t extra time to do things.
Such
Linking Words
 as cooking, and cleaning their home like that.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are tempted, to their daily
consumption
Replace the word
consume
show examples
 from restaurants and the canteen.
However
Linking Words
, homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 can provide more benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, It may reduce health hazards,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and diabetes.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
foods
Use synonyms
 are more expensive because
people
Use synonyms
 can purchase from the market,
such
Linking Words
 as vegetables, fish, and other ingredients, that help reduce their cost of living.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, meal consumption at home
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would help to develop the family bond,
thus
Linking Words
 cooking food at home
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may provide more benefits to the family and alone
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
resturent
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 food has led to many detrimental effects to the family and individuals.
firstly
Linking Words
 nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 are getting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health problems,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer and childhood obesity,
therefore
Linking Words
 it affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the healthcare system and society.
secondly
Linking Words
, economic problems that meals are expensive more than homemade
foods
Use synonyms
. it is a waste of money.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, it has led to a disconnect between family relationships. In conclusion, homemade
foods
Use synonyms
 could provide more benefits to the family and individuals. Reduce health problems, save money, and increase the family relationship.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and provide supporting details
task achievement
Elaborate on your points with more relevant and specific examples to better support your arguments
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and pay attention to the use of transitions for smoother flow of ideas
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided reasons to support your opinion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: