Write about the following topic. Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #people #art #minutes

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In the modern era, art is gaining popularity in many parts of the nation. A group of schools suggests that

arts

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are prominent in our lives,

while

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, others opine that it is not.

Although

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arts

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bring manifold benefits to the society.

However

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, from my perspective, I believe that we should not rely on the

arts

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To begin

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with, there are many reasons why it is not important , unlike other subjects

such

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as Science and Mathematics. First and foremost, people are not certain that they gain a reasonable amount of money from which they can meet their basic needs. Recent research

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has shown that around 60% of youngsters do not earn well enough to survive .

Whereas

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, in other fields, a plethora of jobs are available in the market.

Thus

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, youngsters not only earn an ample amount of amount but

also

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update their living standards.

Apart from

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this

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, people are not fortunate enough who have god-gifted skills

such

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as dancing, singing and similar other various fields. So, even if they proceed there are no 100% chances to succeed in their life. Only a few talented persons have set an example in

this

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area.

Moreover

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, their families will

also

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encounter poverty because they are dependent on them.

Consequently

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, Poverty will strike in the country because only a handful of engineers and doctors cannot manage to nurture the destitute, in repercussion the economy of the nation will degrade and other problems will arise. In short,

although

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art is a welcomed phenomenon by society we should not indulge towards it as only a few talented adults have grown in

this

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field.

However

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, I believe that we should discourage the young generation if they pursue

arts

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Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on Sun May 19 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents your stance. However, it can be improved by clarifying that the society also benefits from art to provide a balanced view before stating your opinion clearly.

task achievement

The essay lacks some specific examples or evidence to back up the arguments. Incorporating data, personal experiences, or references to known facts can strengthen your points.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical errors, such as improper use of articles and punctuation. For example, “arts are prominent in our lives, while, others opine that it is not,” where the comma after 'while' is unnecessary.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, transition phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' can be used to enhance the flow between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition of similar ideas. For example, the concern about job availability in arts-related fields could have been mentioned once and elaborated on with more depth rather than being repeated.

coherence cohesion

Good attempt at presenting a structured argument with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

Clearly stated position on the issue, which is important for achieving a high score in task response.

12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Write about the following topic. Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

some people think that to be successful , you need to get in a university degree. where as others say it is not true. discuss both ideas and give your opinion ?

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?