Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performances for the general public. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.
So many countries' governments support the
sports
and art
sections by making people aware of the sports
and art
benefits. Some of them prefer to encourage this
talent from schools. On the other hand
, some prefer to support professionals in the mentioned field. This
essay will discuss these two points of view.
On the one hand, encouraging school students in art
and sports
is the milestone of finding the student's talents. So, many schools do not have enough budget to help them to improve it while
the government
can help. As an example, when the teachers find a student who is talented and inspired by an art
or sport they will give him a chance to participate in the competition that the government
sponsors. From my experience, I participated in a mathematics competition in my high school, it was an unforgettable memory and achievement i
had .
Change the capitalization
I
On the other hand
, professional sports
and art
performances are the ones who already perform their country's effort. Since the government
supports them and ignores new talent they will not be able to discover their potential. In addition
, An example of that is
when a professional or art
performances
Replace the word
performer
have
an accident and they can not do work they give the new discovery to shine up. In my opinion, the Correct subject-verb agreement
has
government
must give the same opportunity to both and support them.
this
essay discussed both two points of view with examples. Hence
, the student in school must be focused on rather than performance and professionalism, and that was my opinion abot
those arguments.Correct your spelling
about
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more clarity in presenting ideas. Ensure that each point is clearly related to the main argument.
task achievement
More relevant and specific examples should be provided to support the arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas can be improved. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should be more engaging and clearly state your position on the issue. The conclusion should summarize the key points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. This shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Personal examples can make your argument more relatable and authentic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for different points of view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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