Future plans to design prisons for learning and working, with bigger cells containing computers that will enable study and communication, have been criticized for trying to turn prisons into "holiday campus" and "wasting taxpayers' money". To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
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According to
the prompt, in the future, the design of prisons will be equipped with some
computers that enable the Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
inside to study and communicate with others which can boost them with learning and working. However
, some people
believe that this
plan will only wasting
money Change the verb form
waste
be wasting
furthermore
by using the tax that people
pay. This
essay will explain why I believe the drawbacks of filling the emptiness on
the jail are Change preposition
in
outweighted
by the positives when compared to preparing some tools for those who Correct your spelling
outweighed
fined
by the law.
Considering Add a missing verb
are fined
firstly
with
the negatives of supplying the prisoners with communication tools, an important one is that Change preposition
apply
this
kind of design tend
to be a new vulnerability. Change the verb form
tends
This
is because the looser regulation was given, the more dangerous implication
will be triggered. Fix the agreement mistake
implications
For instance
, if those people
who
have been confirmed by law that they Correct pronoun usage
apply
was
punished Change the verb form
were
due to
be
a Wrong verb form
being
drugs
distributor, it will not be Change the noun form
drug
imposible
that they will continue to commit Correct your spelling
possible
impossible
in
Change preposition
apply
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
although
they are on
Change preposition
in
prisons
. The argument goes if the prisoners are allowed to use computers and Fix the agreement mistake
prison
telephone
, Fix the agreement mistake
telephones
then
their mental health can be stayed in good condition,
because they can still connect with their relatives.
Remove the comma
apply
However
, I believe limiting the jailbirds to learning and working inside the prison is the only way to make them give up which imply
they will not tend to repeat the crime that they have done. The reason for Correct subject-verb agreement
implies
this
is those people
experience emptiness, they will focus to
improving Change preposition
on
their self
to be Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
better
person in the future and regretting themself Add an article
a better
of
their act before, Change preposition
for
moreover
, it accompanied
Add a missing verb
is accompanied
with
religious things. Change preposition
by
As a result
, once the prisoners have been free from the sentence, they can be a
good Correct article usage
apply
person
and they will promise to not Fix the agreement mistake
people
going
back to Wrong verb form
go
the
jail.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, although
it is a
critical importance to keep the mental health as human being of Correct article usage
apply
the
jailbirds by providing them with Correct article usage
apply
computer
or any communication devices, I feel that it should be limited Fix the agreement mistake
computers
to
useChange preposition
in
,
because it can Remove the comma
apply
be triggered
another issue which Wrong verb form
trigger
will
be used for another crime since they are still connected with outside world.Verb problem
can
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coherence
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Use transition words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, phrases like 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
Enhance your task response by addressing both sides of the argument equally. For instance, while you discussed the negatives of providing prisoners with communication tools, you did not equally elaborate on the positives. Make sure each viewpoint is given balanced consideration.
task response
To reinforce your main points, use more specific examples and evidence. For example, you can include studies or real-life examples that demonstrate the impact of education and communication tools in prisons. This will make your argument more credible and compelling.
coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out the scope of your essay and what you will cover. Your introduction did a good job of setting the stage, but it could be more concise and focused. Similarly, make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and provides a clear final viewpoint.
coherence
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structuring your argument. This helps the reader understand the context and the main points that will be discussed.
task response
You clearly identified the controversial aspects of the topic and addressed them in your essay. This shows a good understanding of the prompt and an ability to engage with complex issues.
task response
Your essay recognizes the importance of mental health and personal improvement for prisoners, which adds depth to your argument. Showing multiple perspectives demonstrates a well-rounded view on the issue.