IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Future plans to design prisons for learning and working, with bigger cells containing computers that will enable study and communication, have been criticized for trying to turn prisons into "holiday campus" and "wasting taxpayers' money". To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

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According to
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 the prompt, in the future, the design of prisons will be equipped with
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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computers that enable the
people
Use synonyms
 inside to study and communicate with others which can boost them with learning and working.
However
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 plan will only
wasting
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waste
be wasting
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 money
furthermore
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 by using the tax that
people
Use synonyms
 pay.
This
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 essay will explain why I believe the drawbacks of filling the emptiness
on
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in
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 the jail are
outweighted
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 by the positives when compared to preparing some tools for those who
fined
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are fined
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 by the law. Considering
firstly
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with
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apply
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the negatives of supplying the prisoners with communication tools, an important one is that
this
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 kind of design
tend
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tends
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 to be a new vulnerability.
This
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 is because the looser regulation was given, the more dangerous
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
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 will be triggered.
For instance
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, if those
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have been confirmed by law that they
was
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were
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 punished
due to
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be
Wrong verb form
being
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 a
drugs
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drug
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 distributor, it will not be
imposible
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possible
impossible
 that they will continue to commit
in
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apply
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crime
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crimes
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although
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 they are
on
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in
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prisons
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prison
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. The argument goes if the prisoners are allowed to use computers and
telephone
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telephones
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,
then
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 their mental health can be stayed in good condition
,
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apply
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 because they can still connect with their relatives.
However
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, I believe limiting the jailbirds to learning and working inside the prison is the only way to make them give up which
imply
Correct subject-verb agreement
implies
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 they will not tend to repeat the crime that they have done. The reason for
this
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 is those
people
Use synonyms
 experience emptiness, they will focus
to
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on
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 improving
their self
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
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 to be
better
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a better
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 person in the future and regretting themself
of
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for
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 their act before,
moreover
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, it
accompanied
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is accompanied
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with
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by
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 religious things.
As a result
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, once the prisoners have been free from the sentence, they can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 and they will promise to not
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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critical importance to keep the mental health as human being of
the
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apply
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jailbirds by providing them with
computer
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computers
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 or any communication devices, I feel that it should be limited
to
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in
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 use
,
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apply
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 because it can
be triggered
Wrong verb form
trigger
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 another issue which
will
Verb problem
can
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 be used for another crime since they are still connected with outside world.

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coherence
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Use transition words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, phrases like 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
Enhance your task response by addressing both sides of the argument equally. For instance, while you discussed the negatives of providing prisoners with communication tools, you did not equally elaborate on the positives. Make sure each viewpoint is given balanced consideration.
task response
To reinforce your main points, use more specific examples and evidence. For example, you can include studies or real-life examples that demonstrate the impact of education and communication tools in prisons. This will make your argument more credible and compelling.
coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out the scope of your essay and what you will cover. Your introduction did a good job of setting the stage, but it could be more concise and focused. Similarly, make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and provides a clear final viewpoint.
coherence
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structuring your argument. This helps the reader understand the context and the main points that will be discussed.
task response
You clearly identified the controversial aspects of the topic and addressed them in your essay. This shows a good understanding of the prompt and an ability to engage with complex issues.
task response
Your essay recognizes the importance of mental health and personal improvement for prisoners, which adds depth to your argument. Showing multiple perspectives demonstrates a well-rounded view on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • humane conditions
  • technology-enhanced
  • fiscal responsibility
  • punitive
  • incarceration
  • progressive reforms
  • empathy
  • anti-social behavior
What to do next:
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