IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public trasnport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #trasnport #systems #railways #trams
Whether money should be spent on public transport
sysems
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systems
 like railways and trams or should be invested
n
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in
motoways
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motorways
 and streets is a highly debatable topic.
This
 writer contends that people should take the priority of money investment in street infrastructure rather than public transportation because of preventing traffic congestion and
conviniently
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conveniently
 moving. It is crucial to acknowledge that
to avoid
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avoiding
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 traffic congestion is at the forefront of public awareness,
therefore
 funding
in
Change preposition
for
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 road infrastructure is a prior selection. In rush hours,
indidviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in urban areas often find it difficult to move in the congested streets.
Furthermore
, they
also
 realize that
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 in that way should destroy slowly their vehicles.
As a result
, individuals must take
Correct article usage
an unconviniently
show examples
unconviniently
Correct your spelling
inconveniently
conveniently
 long time to deal with the congestion.
Moreover
, their transportation would suffer from
damge
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damage
.
Thus
, it can be seen that money should be funded
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 road infrastructure in order to prevent the detrimental effects of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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. Another point next worth consideration is that financial support for street amenities is likely to have superior impacts on transporting. If streets are enhanced, it will provide a variety of benefits for us
such
 as convenient movement and decreasing dust.
Therefore
, travellers were able to spend less time travelling among different places and would have
chance
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a chance
show examples
 to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
air pollution.
Tus
Correct your spelling
Thus
show examples
 it can be seen that,

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position. However, your argument could be more effectively supported with specific examples and detailed reasoning. Try to elaborate more on your points to fully develop your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but the paragraphs could be more clearly divided with distinct topic sentences. Additionally, ensure that your essay has a clear conclusion summarizing your key points and restating your position.
coherence cohesion
Improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help create a more seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the question and reflects a personal stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at structuring the essay with an introduction and body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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