IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
It is argued that the government should enhance streets
instead
 of community
transport
 systems
such
 as buses. Some
people
 believe that the development of motorways and roads can save moving time
while
 I think that public
transport
 can totally solve rush hour and protect the environment. It is vital to understand that public
transport
 can transfer more
people
 than motorbikes or cars. To explain, with the number of seals which triple or more than cars, public
transport
 like busses can drive numerous
people
 at 1 time.
This
 will lead to a decrease in using cars or motorbikes
then
 the traffic congestion will be alleviated.
This
 solution is applied in Ho Chi Minh City by providing buses more frequently.
However
, there was an opposite side justifying that enhancing motorways and roads would be convenient and time-saving. The major problem for
this
 is
people
 think that by repairing and extending streets, vehicles can be easy to
transport
 so that the traffic congestion will be mitigated.
This
 may be true but not the best way to improve rush hours in large cities where a large amount of vehicles are used every day. In conclusion, it is believed the updating of public
transport
 brings benefits
as well as
 streets.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good. However, it would benefit from a more balanced presentation. Try to give equal weight to both perspectives before providing your opinion.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific and relevant examples for each point you make. While you mentioned Ho Chi Minh City, more details would add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally clear, but there are minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For example, 'the number of seals which triple or more than cars' should be 'the number of seats in buses, which are often three or more times those in cars.'
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion could be strengthened. Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and that your introduction clearly states what you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your arguments by using more transitional phrases like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand.'
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide a real-world example (Ho Chi Minh City), which enhances the relevance of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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