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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this is this a negative or positive development

Without any qualms, children are pressurised by their
parents
Use synonyms
 to become successful in recent times. The major cause of
this
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 trend is that they want their children to accomplish their own unfulfilled dreams.
This
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 essay believes that it is a negative development as a child becomes incapable of exploring
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 hidden talents.
Moreover
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, it leads to anxiety and depression. The primary reason why
parents
Use synonyms
 force their wards to achieve success is that they rely on their offspring in order to accomplish their dreams. To be more precise, they impose their desires on the youngsters so that they set the same aim of life which their
parents
Use synonyms
 had in their professional career, but had failed to achieve it.
However
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,
parents
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 had faced a lot of failures and had given up on their goals
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they consider that the juvenile will succeed despite having hindrances on the way.
Also
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, bringing laurels and pride to the family by a child is the biggest aspiration of the
parents
Use synonyms
 , which ensures their reputable status in society ,
due to
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 which they put pressure on him. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative progress as exploration of hidden talents and finding the passion becomes nearly impossible for a young individual unless they are pushed by their
parents
Use synonyms
. To fortify
further
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, the learner is restricted from improving skills , which results in a lessening of their productivity.
In addition
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 to
this
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, a teenager suffers from anxiety and depression, which weakens their psychological health , because of which they tend to make life-threatening decisions out of fear of their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has detrimental effects on the
overall
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 development of an individual , as it has negative consequences. In conclusion, the propelling of children by their
parents
Use synonyms
 to fulfil their unaccomplished dreams is the cause of
this
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 tendency. I believe that it is a negative approach as a kid fails to find hidden talents
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and suffers from mental problems,
such
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 as anxiety and depression.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the sentences support that idea. This will help your logical structure.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler language in some parts to make your points easier to understand.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion and reasons, which helps your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, giving a clear start and end to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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