IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
It is argued that
students
 have to learn art
due to
 its impact on their growth .
This
 writer has a clear point that creative classes should be optional,
therefore
 schools ought to concentrate more on
students
' talents and hobbies. It must be acknowledged that not all
students
 are good at painting and drawing.
Additionally
, each individual has their own field. The educational system must not force them to search for it and encourage people to develop their abilities.
Moreover
, the government should invest more in education to expand the number of classes that fit every student. Take Viet Nam's schools as a prime example,
students
 are able to study more deeply about their subjects
in particular
 classes. The crucial point needs to be understood that passion
also
 plays a key role in the debate. Though some people have the genetic talent to become successful in art, they may not feel joyful about
this
 group. It can lead to less effective productivity and cause some annoying issues. Obviously, the way the government controls people's study courses can waste their talent.
By contrast
, on the knowledge and enjoyment.
To conclude
, art brings back some considerable benefits,
however
, high schools should be more comfortable with
this
 problem.

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task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but it would benefit from further development and depth. You provide reasons and some examples, but they are not fully elaborated or specific enough to strongly support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, the ideas do not flow as smoothly as they could. Work on linking your paragraphs and ideas more clearly. Additionally, more detailed explanations would help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear position on the topic. You have effectively stated that you believe art classes should be optional and schools should focus more on students' talents and hobbies.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your argument easier to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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