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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are a important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
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Nowadays,
craft
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subjects
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 are contributing to the evolution of education for children’s growth, some argue that these
subjects
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 need to be taught in the academic years of children. One writer believes that art makes students more creative and able to cope with
craft
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 aspects of situations,
while
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, another thinks that professional classes are wasting time. It is beyond comprehension that teaching talented
subjects
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 is the means to keep children creative and develop them for their future benefit. In the details, to create an artwork people need to boost their thinking and organize it in a logical way.
Thus
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, all of these activities occur in mind and it will keep the brain’s productivity always active.
For example
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, research by Dr Ellyn from Boston University indicated that children who have been taught to draw, paint or do artisanal crafts at an early age prefer to attend activities and competitions helping them to show their intelligence.
Furthermore
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, art lessons should be more recognized it important as other
subjects
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 in high school to develop students comprehensively.
However
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, some teachers and parents think that
craft
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 consumes their child’s moment
instead
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 of
spent
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spending
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 on important
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as math, physics or chemistry.
Due to
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 in any form of art time is an important factor leading to the success of the artists. None can be achieved master with era less than 10,000 hours, so if their child follows on
craft
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,
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
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 for another lesson will not be enough.
For example
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, one report from MIT showed that Beethoven had
practiced
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practised
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 more than 10,000 hours at a young age to achieve success.
Nevertheless
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, creative activity makes students enjoyable and stress reduction. To sum it up, talent classes boost younger establishments and flexibility.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can help with pressure and create entertaining
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
.
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task achievement
The essay provides a decent response to the task, but there are areas where clarity and specificity can be improved. You have presented multiple perspectives, which is good, but ensure that each perspective is fully developed with specific examples and explanations. For example, when discussing how art keeps the brain's productivity active, you might delve deeper into how this translates into improved academic performance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a generally logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be smoothed out to enhance readability. For instance, instead of transitioning abruptly from the benefits of art to the opposing view, use transitional phrases to guide the reader. Also, consider integrating contrasting viewpoints within the same paragraph for a more nuanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are consistently supported with specific evidence or case studies. For example, you mentioned research by Dr. Ellyn but did not provide enough detail about the study's methodology or results. Specific evidence strengthens your argument and adds credibility.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic. This demonstrates your ability to consider multiple perspectives, which is an important skill in essay writing.
task achievement
You have recognized the importance of making art lessons compulsory and have supported your argument with research studies. This shows a good attempt to use external sources to back your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear framework for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
What to do next:
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