IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business option. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #impact #business #option
In these decades, the world has been facing
climate
change
.
This
 issue has enormous impacts on business,
therefore
 as long as it continues, it will reduce
job
 opportunities in all
countries
 around the world. In
this
 article, we will review some important arguments that support
this
 idea
then
 we will discuss the other ideas.
Climate
change
 was coined as a scientific term in recent years, which means the sudden
change
 in local
weather
 over a period of time.
This
 issue has occurred frequently in various
countries
 and continents in recent years,
also
 when
this
 problem regularly develops, the world will face environmental crises.
Firstly
,
climate
change
 would increase the risk of developing environmental crises
such
 as floods, hurricanes, droughts, and extreme
weather
 changes. unfortunately, all of these disasters could affect different types of businesses,
for instance
, floods, hurricanes, and droughts directly influence the local agriculture business. If the farmer’s farms are suddenly disrupted by floods,
consequently
 all products and crops would damage or soil.
For
this
 reason, the local drivers who are responsible for taking these products, fruit stores, and local trades will be affected by
this
 problem.
Secondly
, extreme
weather
 changes can influence tourism industries and related businesses.
For example
, if
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
happened to
countries
 which have mostly crowded by tourism, tourists would leave the
countries
, because they have travelled to have a relaxed period, but the extreme changes in
weather
 might
change
 their trip plans.
Also
, it will create unstable jobs for people who work in tourist industries.
On the other hand
,
climate
change
 would create some
job
 opportunities
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
universities
Change preposition
in universities
show examples
 in the investigation and research sectors.
For
this
 reason, various
job
 options will make a potential
job
 opportunity for people.
However
, some institutes and universities have just changed the positions of their scientist, so in
this
 situation, they are not creating any new jobs.
Also
, they have to invest great money in
this
 sector which will have a huge effect on other businesses. All in all, in my opinion,
climate
change
 considerably has huge drawbacks on business and
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 safety particularly in the agriculture and tourism industries sectors and it will create an unstably in trading and commercial activities.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a mostly comprehensive response to the prompt, discussing both viewpoints. However, ensure each point is fully developed and supported with specific evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly transitions to the next to improve flow and overall cohesion. Use more varied linking words and phrases to make your argument more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing your essay effectively.
task achievement
You effectively present and support multiple main points in your discussion. This helps to make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points well, particularly regarding the impacts on agriculture and tourism.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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