IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas in words, pictures, music, or film, in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

#artists #freedom #pictures #music #film #government #restrictions #option
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Artists need to be free through the government to bring out their creativity from their minds by using words, images, music and movies they want and I strongly agree with
this
 matter that they should have
this
 right to express their ideas. When an artist can tell everything easily her or his skills come out of mind and it can create great artwork and
also
 improve. If a painter had
such
 a right to paint everything without any limitation, it would be able to paint at a higher level which would be great painting
instead
 of telling something with some limitations, absolutely getting an imperfect effect.
On the other hand
, artists are very sensitive persons and getting prohibitions can make them nervous and they may think about giving up. So having just a small number of these types creates a society destroyed
also
 people need art to touch their soul and have some good time for their rest and
it is clear that
 without art our pleasure time will not be really good. In conclusion, the arts are our value in life and the government has to let them be free and do everything that they want because not having
this
 allows their production to get injured
also
 professionals in
this
 era must take measures as soon as possible.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion that artists should have freedom of expression. However, providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific artists or artworks that have benefitted from such freedom would add weight to your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure and the main points are well-supported, some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly phrased. Try to simplify your sentence structure to improve clarity. For example, in the first sentence: 'Artists need to be free through the government to bring out their creativity from their minds by using words, images, music and movies they want and I strongly agree with this matter that they should have this right to express their ideas.' could be rephrased to 'Artists should be given the freedom to express their creativity in any form, and I strongly agree that there should be no government restrictions.'
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a good structure.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented and connected to the topic. You effectively argue that government restrictions can harm artistic expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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