Many people nowadays don't feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

#people #home

In modern society, many

people

argue that they are exposed to diverse

crimes

, and they feel in danger. The phenomenon is becoming more common these days.

This

essay will examine the main causes of

crimes

that make

people

afraid and possible solutions to

this

problem.

To begin

with, it appears that

crimes

resulting from technological advancements and

crimes

arising from

people

struggling economically are on the rise.

Firstly

, using mobile devices and joining social media is getting popular more and more as time goes on.

Therefore

, there are various times of exposure to

crimes

such

as voice phishing.

For instance

, if someone falls victim to a scam, he must suffer financially and will be fear of unknown numbers.

Also

, knife

crimes

have been on the rise by

people

who influenced the skyrocketed cost of living. Those who commit these

crimes

often struggle with financial difficulties, become despondent about their lives, and turn aggressive, attacking

people

indiscriminately in public places.

Thus

, the development of technology and the rising cost of living become a reason for committing a crime. To tackle these social issues, the government should introduce positive solutions. It is commonly known that numerous general publics are exposed to abundant harmful advertisements when they are using their smartphones.

Therefore

, the organization could do a social campaign to prevent exposing cybercrimes.

Additionally

, the government may demand that the police deploy more patrol officers in public places.

Furthermore

, they should install more CCTV cameras in a blind spot in crime.

Therefore

, these two schemes could make individuals do diverse social activities in public areas safely.

To sum up

, I believe that various

crimes

occurring both inside and outside households

due to

various social issues make many

people

feel unsafe anywhere.

However

, I believe that through various government policies and activities, we can create a safer society.

Submitted by jin960524 on Mon May 20 2024

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task achievement

The essay covers the major reasons for crime, emphasizing technological advancements and economic struggles. However, it would be better to provide more detailed and varied examples of each to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

While the essay has strong thematic paragraphs, the transitions between points could be smoother for better flow. Try to use a mix of linking phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, effectively framing the argument of the essay.

task achievement

The essay provides a complete and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people nowadays don't feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

modern children are suufering form an obesity which is only considered to adults what are the causes andhowit solve

People in some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important. Why might this be the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economis development,but many important social values can be lost as a result . Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages ?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?