IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other object, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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There is an opinion about how
art
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classes
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, which can include sketching and painting, are as vital as other subjects in the development of a
child
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;so, teaching
art
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 should be a must in high
school
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the following reasons:
Though it
Correct word choice
It
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 is true that
art
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, like drawing and painting, is one of the most efficient ways to help
a
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children
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child
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 develop their imagination.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 is a good tool that helps a
child
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 communicate with other people or express themselves. Because of that,  in primary and secondary schools, they
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
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art
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for
Change preposition
to
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student
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students
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, where children are rapidly growing and need something to support their mental health throughout their development.
However
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, as the
child
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 grows into a high
school
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student
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, its mental state becomes more stable, so
the
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apply
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support from
art
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 is no longer necessary.
Moreover
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, if a
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student
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student's
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 future is not
art
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-related,
then
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 the subject can become a hassle for him or her. As they reach high
school
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, the pupils have a lot to care about and they tend to study what is related to their future.
As a result
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, the compulsory
art
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classes
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 can be burdensome for them. In conclusion,
art
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 is important to a
child
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 in its developing process;
therefore
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, compulsory
art
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classes
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 in primary and secondary
school
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 can provide assistance for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 mental health. Despite that,
art
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classes
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 can turn into a burden if the high
school
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student
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 has nothing to do with
art
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 .
Thus
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, they should not be obligatory in high
school
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.

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task achievement
Make sure that every point you introduce in your thesis statement is fully explained and supported with specific examples. This helps to provide a more thorough response to the task.
task achievement
Work on providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. This could be achieved by elaborating more on the points made and avoiding any ambiguity in your statements.
task achievement
Try to include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points better. This enhances the reader's understanding and makes your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs in a way that they flow smoothly from one to another. Better transitions between ideas can improve overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well connected to the previous ones. This helps maintain a logical structure throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps in organizing the content well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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