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Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other object, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#art #classes #child’s #development #object #school
It is stated that students must take part in
art
 lessons during their years of high school, as these are essential for their formative process like any other
subjects
. The writer disagrees with
this
 opinion,
due to
 the fact that learning
art
 basically
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on personal merits and those who do not own them
way
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
. On the one hand, each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 has their own different good points.
While
 some are natural-born leaders,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others are capable of dancing or cooking, signifying that there is just a small proportion of people who are able to paint and draw well. Meanwhile, learning
art
 would largely rely on the ability
of grasping
Replace the preposition
to grasp
show examples
 the message that every picture conveys.
Thus
,
art
 should not be listed
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 compulsory
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 at school as those who do not acquire essential skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
 may find
this
 subject boring and time-wasting.
On the other hand
,
although
 learning to draw and paint could greatly boost the imagination and enhance the level of using brushes, I believe that there are several other
subjects
 that are more suitable for the crowd with the aim of ensuring the same effect.
For example
,
while
 reading 3 to 4 books a month may variously increase the depth of imagination, mathematics can help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 think in a more logical way, which can not be found in
art
. In conclusion, I believe that
art
 should not become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 compulsory
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 at school, as there is just a small percentage of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who could learn it well.

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coherence cohesion
For a higher score, make sure each paragraph develops a single clear idea and is supported with relevant examples. For instance, provide more specific examples or studies showing why a certain percentage of people might not excel in art.
task achievement
Be clear and thorough in your arguments. Felt some points could have been elaborated better. For instance, discuss the benefits of art education in more depth or present a more balanced view by acknowledging the arguments for making art compulsory.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your main points and use linking words effectively to create a smoother flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Good structure with clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in understanding the writer's stance.
clear comprehensive ideas
Main points are stated clearly, and the writer has taken a definitive stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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