IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In contemporary times, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
purchase
Use synonyms
 online rather
that
Correct word choice
than
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going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to the stores and
purchasing
Wrong verb form
purchase
show examples
 what they need.
Firstly
Linking Words
essay
Add an article
the essay
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 will discuss the advantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping, Following that it will discuss the disadvantages of online shopping. Nowadays, technologies are getting highly sophisticated.
As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
,
people
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 are allowed to
purchase
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 any products
such
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 as dresses,
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
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,
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
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 gadgets and so on, with the help of e-commercial websites. The recent survey that was taken on
people
Use synonyms
's shopping history illustrates that almost seventy to eighty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of the citizens prefer to
purchase
Use synonyms
 online rather than shopping
in
Add a hyphen
in-store
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store
Use synonyms
. Because of the introduction of online shopping,
people
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 are allowed to
purchase
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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shops that are not available in their local community.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 recent study on
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 economy shows that almost sixty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of each
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 economy has increased because of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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online shopping.
In addition
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 to that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping is really helpful for a person who
unable
Add a missing verb
is unable
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 to get out of their house for shopping. It provided a way for them to see and
purchase
Use synonyms
 the item which they wanted.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
are
Change the verb form
is
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 helpful in maximizing the
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 economy, it affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
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small scale
Add a hyphen
small-scale
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 businesses. The majority of the local shop owners are relying on
people
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 in their own society. Because of online shopping facilities
people
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 are ordering
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 directly from their houses rather than buying products from the local shops in their community. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 scenario
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 the grocery
store
Use synonyms
 which is in our town. A decade ago,
this
Linking Words
store
Use synonyms
 was more famous in our area and the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 used to buy their household items from
this
Linking Words
store
Use synonyms
. Because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping,
this
Linking Words
store
Use synonyms
's profit
was
Verb problem
has
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 tremendously decreased and the owner closed the shop now. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping not only has a lot of
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 but
also
Linking Words
 has an ample amount of
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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small scale
Add a hyphen
small-scale
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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.
These business
Change the determiner
This business
These businesses
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 can try to improve their profit by introducing online delivery and so on,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 some of the
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 will not have enough capital to develop.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 try to
purchase
Use synonyms
 the product
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 their local community rather than only purchasing online.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction presents the topic well but could further outline the main points to improve clarity. In the future, try to provide a clear roadmap of the essay in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay question. This will help in maintaining logical flow and clarity. For example, the paragraph discussing advantages could directly start with the benefits rather than general statements about technology.
Task Achievement
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings need correction for better clarity and readability. Proofreading and using more varied sentence structures can improve this.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing. For instance, mentioning specific e-commerce websites or naming small-scale businesses can add authenticity to your examples.
Task Achievement
The essay does a good job of covering both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, providing a balanced view of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and gives a thoughtful recommendation on balancing online and local shopping.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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