IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #food #products
in
this
 day, a number of
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that overeating is harmful and some
food
 should to banned. in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with what they said, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will give you some reasons and
exampls
Correct your spelling
examples
 to support my opinion.
to begin
 with, overeating is one of the reasons
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
come
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more fat, and fat will make
people
 become lazy all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 they will feel it's hard to move, go to work, and do some activity and that's really bad for our body's. another reason why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 overeating will make
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sometimes feel tired because of the oil in
food
 and the high calorie that
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
is not even need
Change the verb form
does not even need
show examples
 for it. yes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 is
very
Add an article
a very
the very
show examples
 important thing that every
people
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time there is
limit
Correct article usage
a limit
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it,
people
 should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
know their limit in
food
 and eat only as needed not more,
also
 there is some kind of
food
people
 should to banned ,
for example
, like the hot dog, that
food
 is not real meat it's made in some company, or
also
 the fast
food
' all doctors said the fast
food
 is
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 bad for
people
 health. and these are the reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree.
finally
, as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 said,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 is important
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overeating is bad for health and
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
,
moreover
 some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
food
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be banned.
Submitted by fadhool200430 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate on your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop each of your main points. Sometimes additional clarification is needed to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and includes supporting details with clear connections.
coherence cohesion
Create a stronger introduction and conclusion. Your essay should start with a clear introduction that outlines your main points and end with a conclusion that summarizes them effectively.
coherence cohesion
Mind the grammar and vocabulary. While minor errors are acceptable, too many of them can make your essay hard to understand. Try to use a range of vocabulary and correct grammatical structures.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the topic, which is essential for Task Achievement.
task achievement
You attempt to provide reasons and examples to support your opinion, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!