In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport

In some countries, it is often said investing

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

amount of money in building new rapid railway lines

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

among cities is very important. The alternative view is the budget should be used for upgrading the existing public

transportation

. In my opinion, Jakarta

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

highly dependent

Change preposition

show examples

existing public transport,

hence

I strongly agree the money would be beneficial to refine current public transport. Existing public

transportation

in Jakarta

is serving

Wrong verb form

serves

show examples

intercity and outer city

route

Fix the agreement mistake

routes

show examples

. Many employees

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

live outside Jakarta,

this

phenomenon makes the

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

highly

relies

Correct subject-verb agreement

rely

show examples

Change the preposition

upon

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

affordable public

transportation

Furthermore

, most of them

are spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

about 3 hours a day

to commute

Change the verb form

commuting

show examples

from their house to their office.

This

issue

need

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needs

show examples

a solution from the government.

For instance

provide

Wrong verb form

providing

show examples

additional

bus

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buses

show examples

with shorter waiting

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would bring

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

response from the community.

In addition

this

option will require less governmental expense.

Travelers

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Travellers

show examples

among

Change preposition

show examples

cities

is now have

Change the verb form

now have

show examples

plenty options of

public

Change preposition

for public

show examples

transport.

However

, many people are curious and hoping the government would make

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

new railway lines for travel from city to city with rapid train.

This

option could give

advantage

Add an article

an advantage

show examples

by promoting tourism in other cities.

Though

Correct word choice

However

show examples

, the ticket price is impossible to be cheap and the cost of construction will be very high.

Moreover

, it will cause

Remove the article

apply

show examples

pain for livelihood around the construction site. In my observation, building a new train track will

spend

Verb problem

take

show examples

at least 2 years until it is official.

Along

Change preposition

During

show examples

these 2 years, many

family

Change to a plural noun

families

show examples

will be disrupted by the construction activity,

such

as high air pollution and ground shaking.

Not to mention

high

Correct article usage

the high

show examples

investment involved in the preliminary study until the operation. In conclusion,

although

each

alternatives

Change to a singular noun

alternative

show examples

has

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

and

disadvantage

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantages

show examples

, I

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

firmly believe

spent

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

more money in making the existing public

transportation

better is

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

preferable to accommodate more

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

pain points.

Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on Mon May 20 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses both views of the prompt well and provides your personal opinion. However, the arguments could be elaborated further with more specific examples and clearer explanations to make them more compelling. For instance, provide a real-life example of how improvements in waiting times for current public transport have positively impacted commuter lives elsewhere.

coherence cohesion

The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased or grammatically incorrect, which disrupts the flow. Trying to use simpler sentences might help improve clarity. For example, simplify, 'Travelers among cities is now have plenty options of public transport,' to 'Currently, there are many options for intercity transport.'

introduction conclusion present

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your argument from the start and see it summarized at the end.

complete response

You did a good job of presenting balanced arguments for both views before giving your personal opinion, which makes your essay quite comprehensive.

relevant specific examples

The essay addresses real-life issues, such as the long commuting times and dependence on existing public transport in Jakarta, which adds relevance to your arguments.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

infrastructure
efficient
congestion
sustainable
environmentally friendly
connectivity
economic growth
public transportation

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Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problem does this cause? What can be done about this?

Some people say history is important subject and other say science and technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learining a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?