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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons with relevant.

The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons with relevant.
#show #hours #week #sector #four #european #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The available bar charts illustrate the rate of weekly Service
hours
Use synonyms
 of industrial employees of France and Denmark in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in both
countries‘
Change noun form
countries
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of employees spend 31 to 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of their week at work .
However
Linking Words
, they show
diferent
Correct your spelling
different
 proportions in
eachof
Correct your spelling
each of
 them . The French show a slight fluctuation in the first three groups of working shifts going slightly above and below 10%.
Then
Linking Words
, there is a sharp increase in the numbers indicating half of
Add an article
the Industerial
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Industerial
Correct your spelling
Industrial
 staff
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 working
hours
Use synonyms
 ranging from 31 to 36. As the length of time grows, the figures for individuals
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
show examples
 reaching 10% at 41-45 followed by an unexpected growth in 46-50 by 20%. Denmark ,
however
Linking Words
, depicts a somewhat steady proportion of 10% of staff in different ranges of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
hours
Use synonyms
 with two major exceptions being the fact that Just above
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of Danish employees work 31-35
hours
Use synonyms
 and more than half of them 36-40.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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