IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
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In recent years, many countries have developed public
spaces
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 in each city for
people
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's activities. Personally, I completely agree that it is exceedingly important and support will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, public squares and parks encourage the general
health
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 of individuals. If
people
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 have
spaces
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 to exercise, it will improve their physical
health
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.
For instance
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, when
people
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 run or walk, they use their muscles to have an activity.
As a result
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, muscle and physical
health
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 become stronger and healthier.
Moreover
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, outdoor places eliminate stress. When individuals have physical activities, the body system will release hormones to reduce stress and improve their feeling fresh--preventing depression and anxiety.
Therefore
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, if there are outdoor
spaces
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 in cities, it will be able to encourage
people
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's
health
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 to be stronger and they will be happier.
In addition
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 to general
health
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, public outdoor
areas
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 improve the soft skills of children. If younger generations have
areas
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 to do activities in which they are interested, it will develop their skills
such
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 as communication with their society or self-confidence in them.
For example
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, in activity
spaces
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 in Hongdae
areas
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 of South Korea, many teenagers often use the space for expressing their abilities
such
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 as cover dancing with team or band music shows.
Therefore
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, they need to communicate with their team before showing it to the public and improve their confidence to express their ability in society. As I mentioned, there are tremendous boons of outdoor public
spaces
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 for citizens. Especially, encourages general
health
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, and improves the soft skills of children.
Therefore
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, the government should spend money on developing
areas
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 and contribute to them.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Great job providing relevant examples. To further enhance your response, consider adding even more specific details to support your main points.
coherence couhesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Using phrases like 'Another key reason' or 'Additionally' can help connect paragraphs more cohesively.
coherence couhesion
Your essay has an effective structure with clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure that every paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task, and you have supported your main points with relevant examples. This makes your argument compelling.
coherence couhesion
You have a logical structure that makes your essay easy to follow. Well-organized content helps the reader understand your key points.
coherence couhesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, which strengthens the overall structure of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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