Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the modern area, "fast
food
consumption" is being
the buzzword of the day. Few among the Unnecessary verb
apply
mass
believe that Fix the agreement mistake
masses
education
sector forms the ideal solution to solve the given problem, Correct article usage
the education
whereas
other
oppose that academic tuition will not do its job. Both viewpoints have merits and demerits, as I observed educational lessons about consuming Fix the agreement mistake
others
junk
food
will somehow alter consumer behaviour.
On the one
hand, a myriad of people
have a preference to
a low-nutrient diet Change preposition
for
due to
the density of their working schedule. As the living pace of today's society tends to be more hustle and bustle, making
Verb problem
apply
one
finds it hard to spend time to treat
oneself with a healthy and nutritious diet. Change the verb form
treating
Moreover
, the convenience yet the affordable price of junk
food
is one
of the reasons why more and more people
opt for such
low in antioxidants and fiber
meals. Change the spelling
fibre
For instance
, a recent survey which has been done by the
US nutritionists revealed that most Correct article usage
apply
people
who come from the downmarket have no choice but to buy cheap meals from fast food
outlets rather than fresh ingredients for healthier options for the sake of money saving. Therefore
, conveying healthcare lessons is not going to make junk
food
less tempting to the
consumers.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, academic tuition that
related to healthcare may contribute Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
enhancing consumers' behaviour towards the fast Change preposition
to
food
chains. Although
a large proportion of fast food
is being consumed by the majority of people
, not every individual actually acknowledges the severe consequences which can be made to their health in the long run. Thus
, raising public awareness about the junk
food
overconsuming problems may become a matter of great concern for one
state of health, hindering the public stance on intaking
Verb problem
eating
food
that is
high in saturated fats and added sugars. For example
, once gaining insightful knowledge and understanding about life-threatening cancers and illnesses such
as diabetes, high in
blood pressure and cholesterol are mainly caused by overeating Change preposition
apply
junk
, they would likely to
bring their bad eating habits to an end.
In conclusion, despite the fact that there are several causes that are ascribed to overconsuming fast Fix the infinitive
apply
food
, I firmly believe that education does dramatically diminish the number of people
indulging in junk
food
and deter in
diseases carrying health risks.Change preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be improved by more clearly outlining the two perspectives before stating your view to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Aim to consistently stay on topic and avoid digressions to maintain a strong logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to increase the precision and sophistication of the language used for clearer ideas and stronger arguments.
task achievement
Examples should directly relate to the point being made to support the argument more effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the issue of junk food consumption and education.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the survey by US nutritionists, effectively supports your main points, making them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains both an introduction and a conclusion, providing clear guidance for the reader and good structural cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The individual points under each viewpoint are well-connected, ensuring a smooth flow of ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.