IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some museum charge entry fees while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging an entry fee outweight the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

#museum #charge #entry #fees #fee #outweight #experiences
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Many
museum
 requires payment from the
visitors
 to enter rather than free.
Although
 having people pay extra
fees
 can be beneficial toward
museum
 income, I believe the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages. A
museum
 is a place where people can learn about history. It is one of the most common public spaces that has been used for educational and recreational purposes. Recently, the expense demanded before entering the
museum
 has been applied to give money sources to the
museum
. The main benefit of
this
 regulation is to help the
museum
's maintenance budget.
For example
, the National
Museum
 in New York City is charging extra
fees
 for the refurbishment of its building in 2024.
However
,
visitors
 would think twice before visiting the
museum
 if there were extra
fees
 at the entry. As a public space, it is very controversial for it to require compensation from the individuals who want to visit.
This
 is because the number of
visitors
 can be reduced by
this
 regulation.
Furthermore
, public opinion about the place can be ruined because of the payment required. A better solution for the
museum
 to earn more earnings is advertisement.
For example
, the naming rights of the Korean National
Museum
 have been given to Samsung as one of the biggest Korean companies today.
Hence
, the
museum
 can get funds from Samsung
while
 Samsung can get more recognition. In conclusion, even though entry
fees
 can be useful for building care, I believe there are better ways to accumulate revenue without charging cash to the
visitors
Submitted by Azami on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on why they support your main points. Currently, some of the arguments feel underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use more connective words and phrases to link ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more detailed and varied sentence structures to enhance clarity. Avoid repetitive sentence patterns to engage the reader better.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the topic and your argument effectively.
introduction conclusion
You have a strong conclusion that reiterates your main point without simply repeating the introduction.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear, and you make a solid attempt to balance both sides of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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