IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

These days many people prefer online shopping to conventional shopping. Do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvatages?

#people #disadvatages
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Nowadays, the majority of people likely to shop online than traditional shopping.
This
 writer argues that the positives of discounting prices and avoiding limitations outweigh the drawbacks of personal interaction. The most advantageous factor of shopping online is the wide selection from many shops, giving them a comfortable environment for spending.
In other words
,
customers
 can choose products from different prices,
materials
Correct word choice
and materials
show examples
 which are suitable and not available in social life. From prior knowledge, the rate of shopping online has increased in recent years in many countries
then
 led to the expansion of the online industry.
Thus
, the new shopping way on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 brings benefits to all inhabitants all over the world by the way it delivers to users. Another impact of shopping on the Internet is that consumers have the ability to shop everywhere. It cannot be denied that people do shopping at home, schools, and companies.
This
 is on account of the convenience when
customers
 just need to turn on their smart devices and go to the website they want, from many countries there are a lot of shops providing purchasers with a good service in spending. Thereby,
customers
 can easily get what they need in an advisable way.
However
, a few people are dissatisfied with
this
 statement. They believed that classical shopping always be the best because shopping online sometimes causes problems
due to
 shipping
such
 as delays which put them waiting for a long time for their products.
Moreover
, the shipping
also
 can crack commodities if they are not careful.
Consequently
, basic shopping leads them to have personal interactions and check before buying. Taking everything into account, the higher prices of universal shopping are outweighed by the unlimited choice on the internet.
Hence
, shopping online can have more benefits for
customers
.
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Grammar
Consider revising minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'the majority of people likely to shop online than traditional shopping' could be corrected to 'the majority of people are more likely to shop online than engage in traditional shopping.'
Sentence Structure
Enhance your essay by incorporating more varied and complex sentence structures. This will help to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Supporting Evidence
To further strengthen your argument, consider including more specific examples and data. This could involve citing studies or statistics to support your points about the benefits of online shopping.
Expression Clarity
Be mindful of the accuracy in the expression of ideas. For instance, 'not available in social life' might be more accurately phrased as 'not available in physical stores or traditional shopping venues.'
Balanced Argument
Effectively addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Topic Sentences
Good use of topic sentences to introduce each paragraph.
Conclusion
Successfully concludes with a clear summary of the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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