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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines does this develoment has more advantages or disadvantaged.

#home #hands #machines #develoment
In ancient days, most of the
items
 were
hand made
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handmade
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.
However
, nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology introduced machines and robotics in
manufacturing
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the manufacturing
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 industry to make huge production as per the market demand and ease of work to humans. In my perception, there are more advantages than disadvantages. In the following
paragrphas
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paragraphs
, I will
demonsstrate
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demonstrate
 both sides with examples. Ages ago there was
no
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not
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 much technology in human lives to
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 or manufacture anything. They made or constructed most of the
items
 by use of
hand
 and
sell
Wrong verb form
sold
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 them in the market to lead life.
For example
, bricks to use in the house
or
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apply
show examples
mud water pots or
craft
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crafts
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 works or dresses were
stiched
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stitched
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 with
human
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a human
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hand
 with high quality and
offcourse
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off course
of course
 more time. Nowadays,
man made
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man-made
show examples
items
 are
availability
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available
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in
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is
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 rare,
however
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however,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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have
Verb problem
are
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good
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apply
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in demand
due to
 the
involvment
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involvement
 of
machinary
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machinery
 industries in the
manufacture
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manufacturing
show examples
 process. On
other
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the other
show examples
 side, as human populations increase
day-by-day
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day by day
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, humans introduced robotics and mechanical units for more production based on
the
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apply
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market
requirement
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requirements
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.
Due to
 the involvement of
machinary
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machinery
 humans are not required to spend more time to deliver small quantities. As everyone is looking for rapid
develoment
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development
, all
items
 like
,
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apply
show examples
 fine finished
marbles
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marble
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 or steel bars or heavy industry
structurescan
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structures
structures can
 can not be made by
hand
 with accurate finish and quality. So, they must
required
Wrong verb form
require
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 big
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 to finish within
stipulated
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the stipulated
a stipulated
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 time period. In conclusion, as we are growing
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
according to
 the current development,we must accept
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advantages in human life rather than looking for the same old
hand
 preparation methods.
Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on

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task achievement
Strengthen the examples given to support the points. While the essay discusses hand-made bricks, mud water pots, etc., it's better to provide more detailed and varied modern examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Currently, the transition sentences could be smoother and help link ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to convey ideas more clearly. For example, sentences like 'it have good in demand' should be 'it has good demand.'
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which frames the essay well.
task achievement
The main points, such as the advantages of machinery in mass production and quality, are quite clear and supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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