IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The
prospective
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prospect
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 of declining
human's
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human
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health
Use synonyms
 is a
modern day
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modern-day
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 concern but how much will it decline in the future is unpredictable. The decline of both physical and mental
health
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 could be accelerated or either
slown
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slowed
 down by several factors. In the essay below I will discuss
about
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apply
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the consequences and expect to agree. On one hand, I agree that physical
health
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 is affected by poor food choices, lack of physical activity and
constantly
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constant
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 staring at screens. Poor food choices
such
Linking Words
 as fast foods and minimal physical activity are leading to the development
chronic
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of chronic
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 metabolic diseases
such
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 as diabetes, hypercholsterolemia
ad
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and
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 cancer. The modern working environment that relies on
device
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devices
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 to compute data for efficiency is affecting the eyesight of youngsters and adults.
The mental
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Mental
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health
Use synonyms
 is steadily declining by devices and applications which manipulate us to develop low self-esteem and anti-social behaviours are on the rise especially
due to
Linking Words
dysinformation
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disinformation
misinformation
 and manipulation by digital media. The efficiency of the technology is
acclerating
Correct your spelling
accelerating
this
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 without any consideration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, disease diagnostics, pharmaceutical discoveries and nutraceutical innovations are progressing at a rapid rate to catch up with
the
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apply
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modern diseases to detect and cure diseases at an early stage or stop them from progressing
further
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. Psychological therapists
are relying
Wrong verb form
rely
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 on meditation and mindfulness therapies to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overall
Linking Words
 mental
health
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 and prevent people from undergoing depression. Remote mental
health
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 therapy is
also
Linking Words
avaialble
Correct your spelling
available
 as an instant solution to solve issues immediately.
However
Linking Words
, the developments of these modern technologies are struggling to keep up with the pace of evolution within the human body
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is misusing development for its own convenience. There are certain people who have access to
chocies
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choices
 that will harm your
health
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 but not everyone has
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to the cure.

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task achievement
To score higher, ensure your main ideas are fully developed with relevant and specific examples. For instance, include specific studies or real-world examples that highlight health trends.
coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structure by clearly separating different points into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, which adds depth to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a somewhat clear conclusion, which helps in setting the stage and summarizing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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