IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

a colleague at work is organizing a goodbye party which you are not able to attend . write a letter to him / her . * explain reason why you cannot attend * good memories you have spent * how you will stay in touch

#colleague #work #goodbye #party #reason #memories #touch
Dear Amit, It was
such
 joyful news to hear about your new job in the USA and I got an invitation letter for your farewell party, but unfortunately, I am not able to join you on that day
due to
 my passport appointment in Ahmedabad.
To begin
 with, we have had many beautiful memories in the
last
 two years.
Firstly
, our daily lunch break talk was one of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unforgettable, because we
were discussing
Wrong verb form
discussed
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the daily routines and
making
Wrong verb form
made
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 plans for trips.
Moreover
, we made plenty of plans,
although
 we
excucated
Correct your spelling
excavated
 very few.
Lastly
, the best memory I have of you,
it
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was a live cricket match in
the
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India's largest stadium.
In addition
, it is not easy for me to say goodbye to you, but it is a matter of your dream job and you have been trying to apply for
this
 job for the
last
 six months. We will definitely get in touch through FaceTime, social media and phone calls every weekend. I hope you will settle soon in the new country. Best wishes, Parthkumar
Submitted by pp6859 on

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task achievement
Consider proofreading your letter to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as 'excucated' instead of 'executed.'
coherence and cohesion
You could improve logical structure by using more cohesive devices. For example, 'Additionally' instead of 'In addition,' or 'Another fond memory is...'
task achievement
You have successfully covered all aspects of the task by explaining why you cannot attend, sharing good memories, and stating how you will stay in touch.
task achievement
The letter has a polite and friendly tone which is suitable for the scenario.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, each addressing a specific point which adds to the readability of the letter.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing of your letter are well-crafted and appropriate for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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