IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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People
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 around the world have different approaches when it comes to putting efforts into education or employment, some tend to push themselves to
work
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 hard
while
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others
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 prefer not to put in a lot of hard
work
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.
This
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 essay will first state that a habit of achieving
perfection
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 and a competitive attitude, are the primary reasons that motivate
people
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 to
work
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 hard, and
then
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 suggest that sometimes smart
work
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 is more effective than hard
work
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, and hard
work
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 can
also
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 badly affect mental
health
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. The major reason why
people
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 choose to push themselves more
,
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apply
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 is their attitude towards achieving
perfection
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.
As a result
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, they put more effort into
workingon
Correct your spelling
working on
 the smaller details of the task at hand. Since
perfection
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 in any
work
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 gets appreciation from
others
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, it keeps
people
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 motivated to push themselves to do the hard
work
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.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 are inherently competitive by nature and, they always want to excel in what they are doing.
Due to
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this
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 attitude,
people
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 tend to
work
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 harder than
others
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 to get a sense of achievement.
However
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, working hard does not necessarily give more benefits. In the era of technology, working smart is more effective to get better results. Smart
work
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 can save a lot of time and energy, which can be used in other areas of life which is equally important like
health
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, relationships and future goals.
Furthermore
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, pushing oneself more than one’s capacity badly affects mental and physical
health
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.
For example
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,
people
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 who
work
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 for long hours usually get less than 6 hours of sleep at night, which has adverse effects on the immune system and mental
health
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. In conclusion, some
people
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 prefer working hard to get an appreciation of their
perfection
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 at
work
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 from their colleagues or superiors,
while
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 for
others
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, achieving excellence in everything they do gives a sense of achievement.
However
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, sometimes smart
work
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 is more effective for
perfection
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as well as
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 for excellence, and the benefits of hard
work
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 come at the cost of physical, mental and emotional
health
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.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Aim for a more balanced development of both parts of the question. Additionally, incorporating more specific examples or real-world instances to support your claims can provide stronger evidence for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintaining a clear and logical flow throughout your essay is crucial. You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve, vary your linking phrases to show contrasts, cause and effect, and add depth to your arguments. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with subsequent sentences supporting that idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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