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Writing Samples
Band 6

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work
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People
 around the world have different approaches when it comes to putting efforts into education or employment, some tend to push themselves to
work
 hard
while
others
 prefer not to put in a lot of hard
work
.
This
 essay will first state that a habit of achieving
perfection
 and a competitive attitude, are the primary reasons that motivate
people
 to
work
 hard, and
then
 suggest that sometimes smart
work
 is more effective than hard
work
, and hard
work
 can
also
 badly affect mental
health
. The major reason why
people
 choose to push themselves more
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is their attitude towards achieving
perfection
.
As a result
, they put more effort into
workingon
Correct your spelling
working on
 the smaller details of the task at hand. Since
perfection
 in any
work
 gets appreciation from
others
, it keeps
people
 motivated to push themselves to do the hard
work
.
Moreover
, some
people
 are inherently competitive by nature and, they always want to excel in what they are doing.
Due to
this
 attitude,
people
 tend to
work
 harder than
others
 to get a sense of achievement.
However
, working hard does not necessarily give more benefits. In the era of technology, working smart is more effective to get better results. Smart
work
 can save a lot of time and energy, which can be used in other areas of life which is equally important like
health
, relationships and future goals.
Furthermore
, pushing oneself more than one’s capacity badly affects mental and physical
health
.
For example
,
people
 who
work
 for long hours usually get less than 6 hours of sleep at night, which has adverse effects on the immune system and mental
health
. In conclusion, some
people
 prefer working hard to get an appreciation of their
perfection
 at
work
 from their colleagues or superiors,
while
 for
others
, achieving excellence in everything they do gives a sense of achievement.
However
, sometimes smart
work
 is more effective for
perfection
as well as
 for excellence, and the benefits of hard
work
 come at the cost of physical, mental and emotional
health
.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Aim for a more balanced development of both parts of the question. Additionally, incorporating more specific examples or real-world instances to support your claims can provide stronger evidence for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintaining a clear and logical flow throughout your essay is crucial. You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve, vary your linking phrases to show contrasts, cause and effect, and add depth to your arguments. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with subsequent sentences supporting that idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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