IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

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As the question mentions, people are increasingly more aware of the history of architecture in their own countries. There are mainly two reasons for
this
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 in my opinion.
Firstly
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, simply for fun. And
secondly
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, it is useful to gain a new idea for pursuing more comfortable lives.
For example
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, in
Japan
Use synonyms
, the traditional wooden house
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can let the wind come in and out for a whole year and
also
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 can be shaken without folding down when the earthquake hits because the wooden structure has a little space each other, suitable
to
Change preposition
for
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 most Japanese seasons and small earthquakes are frequent. In summer, the wind from outside would cool down inside the house, and in winter, our ancestors would get
a
Remove the article
apply
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heat from a
fire place
Correct your spelling
fireplace
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 so changing the air in the house was necessary. Like
this
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, just knowing the reasons for the structure provokes some kind of joy and pride in our
heart
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hearts
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.
Next,
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knowing the history of
building
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buildings
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such
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 as shrines in
Japan
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 is very important for many people in the view of evacuation. For hundreds and thousands of years, Japanese shrines have been built on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hill
Fix the agreement mistake
hills
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 or mountainous
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 with their gates called “Torii” usually standing at the point
which
Correct word choice
where
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 the tsunami caused
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge casualty had reached in the past. In lots of rural areas within
Japan
Use synonyms
, people are still told by their grandparents, “When the earthquake comes, you should go up the mountain as soon as possible and keep in
hurry
Add an article
a hurry
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 until you get into the Shrine.” Those stories are very common in
Japan
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 and I think countries with a long history should keep those ascended words and important buildings.
Finally
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, the ways to seek information on the traditional
architectures
Fix the agreement mistake
architecture
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 should be both visiting the exhibitions or museums and
ask
Wrong verb form
asking
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 directly
Correct article usage
the elderlies
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elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 around you. Those are the fastest ways to know the truth and to foster and renew community relations.

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices. Phrases like 'In addition', 'Furthermore', and 'On the other hand' can help guide the reader through your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more explicit conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your argument. This will provide a sense of closure for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that the supporting details directly relate to it. Some of your examples and explanations could be more tightly focused on the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and relevant, consider expanding on your explanations and examples. Some points could be more thoroughly developed to provide a fuller response to the prompt.
task achievement
Clarify the connection between the interest in the history of buildings and the practical benefits you discuss, making it more evident how these points relate to the reasons people are interested in such history.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is clear and relatively easy to understand, demonstrating a good command of the English language.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and your essay’s main points, making it clear what the reader can expect.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical research
  • Genealogy
  • Architectural styles
  • Heritage
  • Relics
  • Oral history
  • Archival records
  • Museum exhibits
  • Historical societies
  • House tours
  • Renovation projects
  • Original blueprints
  • Careful documentation
What to do next:
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