IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #role #future #societies #effects #society
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One school of thought holds that robotic
technologies
’ role is immensely crucial in the foreseeable future,
while
 others believe that it could negatively affect
community
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the community
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.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
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favour
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 of the former notion. On the one hand, the growing advancement of robotic engineering could be fraught with pitfalls.
Firstly
, human health might be badly affected by many sorts of robotic
technologies
. To explain,
people
 tend to have a sedentary lifestyle which leads to back pains, obesity or even some mental issues owing to the dependence on high-tech devices
such
 as
,
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 robot cleaners, robot helpers or autonomous vehicles that
helps
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help
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 them to finish all the tasks on a daily basis.
Secondly
, individuals might be at
the
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risk of being unemployed
by
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because of
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 the accelerating development of robotic
technologies
.
For instance
, many companies nowadays prefer to use automated machines and processes rather than recruiting more employees
due to
 the limitation in production costs and the quickening
in
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of
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 production processes.
As a result
, young
people
 in
this
 day and age, especially workers with no specialized skills, could find it difficult to land a decent job and meet their needs.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that robotic
technologies
 would play a pivotal role in years to come. First and foremost,
this
 technological breakthrough would play a pivotal role in enabling users to save time.
For example
, robots could search for information and answer difficult questions more logically than humans in a more limited amount of time thanks to their artificial intelligence and by using those devices
people
 might have more recreational time to unwind themselves. Another justification is that goods manufactured through automated processes would have better quality and higher quantity.
This
 is because productions that are carried out by robots would be more efficient and accurate than ordinary
people
, and it is the premise of a thriving economy which could bring the residents more feltware and rights in their nation. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that the development of robotics
technologies
 might be harmful to some extent, I would contend that the upside that it offers is significantly more noteworthy than its downside.
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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, some points could be more explicitly connected. For example, you could add more linking words and phrases to show the relationship between different points more clearly.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally well-supported, but a few more specific examples would strengthen your essay even further. Make sure to provide a clear real-life instance to back up each main point.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the topic and covers both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial intelligence (AI)
  • Automation
  • Cybernetics
  • Efficiency
  • Job displacement
  • Manual labor
  • Robotics
  • Sophisticated machinery
  • Technological advancements
  • Workplace safety
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