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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Traditional learning is better than online learning

Some people prefer traditional education to studying online.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I would prefer to study online. Because, in my opinion, online education has more benefits that make students comfortable. One of these conveniences is that you can get as much knowledge as you want through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. And you will
also
 have more time
to
Change preposition
for
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 other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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,
although
 you may bored most of the time. But if you study online, you won't have to go anywhere,
instead
 of
go
Change the verb form
going
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 to school.
And there
Correct word choice
There
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 plenty of bad sides
of
Change preposition
to
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 studying online. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
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 you can't meet classmates and
also
 can't make a conversation with them. If you are away from them, you will definitely miss them, even though you
fed
Add a missing verb
are fed
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 up with your friends Some habits. It's too bad situation as if living
in
Change preposition
apply
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a lonely life.
Besides
, traditional education
also
 has some pluses and minuses.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay's coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that presents the main idea. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you could mention specific online courses or platforms that offer high-quality education.
task achievement
Make sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages of traditional education and online learning more comprehensively. This would demonstrate a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear preference for online learning, which is good as it establishes your viewpoint early on.
task achievement
You mention some valid points regarding the convenience of online learning and the potential for loneliness, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is generally clear and understandable, making it easy to follow your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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