IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Big family has more benefits than living in a small family.

A
lot
 of people think that living nuclear family is good. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 big family is
a
Change the article
apply
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better .Many parents don't
time
Add a missing verb
have time
show examples
 for children but grandparents pay attention
due to
 grandma
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a
lot
 of time
Extended
Add an article
The extended
show examples
 family has benefits .They live with have a great influence on the way children grow up .They are retired it's
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 thing. That's why they have a
lot
 of time . Grandparents can give the love .Grandparents give
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 a
lot
 of great and useful advice. They can give
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 a more money . They have
learn
Change the verb form
learned
show examples
 to be patient. Teenagers expect love from adults.
They're need
Change the verb form
They need
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attention. If they
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
ignore the teenagers they waste their lives . If they have
nuclear
Add an article
a nuclear
the nuclear
show examples
 family you will
don't
Verb problem
not
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listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 your parents.
While
 Americans are pretty evenly divided
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 big
families
 or small
families
 are better the preference for larger
families
 for small
families
 has dropped some . If you have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 family, it will
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 a
lot
 ,but you will be able to communicate with many people. In my
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 a
lot
 of ideas are shared in a big family.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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language use
The essay would benefit from more clear and precise language, as some sentences are fragmented or unclear. For example, 'Many parents don't time for children but grandparents pay attention due to grandma have a lot of time' should be revised for clarity.
introduction conclusion
Introduce and conclude the essay more definitively. While you do have an introductory and concluding sentence, they should encapsulate the main idea more clearly and effectively.
support examples
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. For example, when discussing the benefits of an extended family, you could provide more concrete examples of these benefits.
task completion
The essay aims to compare and contrast the benefits of big families versus small families, and does cover the assigned topic.
essay structure
There is an attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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