IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
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While
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 it
is widely claim
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is widely claimed
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 that several
students
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 encounter difficulty
to concentrate
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concentrating
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 at school, others argue that an ineffective teaching style could probably be the key
of
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to
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this
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 issue. Both reasons why I agree with the latter statement and solutions contributing to
this
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 controversial topic will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that boring techniques of educating
present's
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present
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 lecturers
is
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are
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 the reason why they
loss
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lose
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attention
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 to class.
This
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 is
possibly
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possible
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 because
younger
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the younger
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 generation often
prefer
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prefers
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 more simple,
conscise
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concise
 concepts rather than a long and dull lesson. Take tutoring school,
for example
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; they always
presents
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present
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 with mnemonics and songs related to the concepts they taught which stimulate
to
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them to
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 participate and
focus
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.
However
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,
Many
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many
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 opponents of
this
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 idea might oppose that it is the
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student
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students
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themselve
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themselves
 that cannot
focus
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 on the lecture
instead
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. To exemplify, no matter how fun, simple and creative topics it is presented by the educators, it will be
such
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 a waste if the
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student
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students
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 do not pay
attention
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 to it at all.
Therefore
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, I personally argue in favour of
teaching
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the teaching
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 tools aspect seeing that
students
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 have limited concentration
period
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periods
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. To simply explain,
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focus
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the focus
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 time of
students
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 may vary and
short
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be short
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 so the teacher should provide a more interesting and
attracting
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attractive
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 means of teaching to keep the
attention
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from
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of
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 their
students
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.
For example
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, speed, tone, and intonation of speech do affect
on
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apply
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student
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attention
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 as the slow, calm, and monotonous
one
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ones
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 are likely to be ignored by the
student
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.
Furthermore
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, involving
students
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 in the topic to promote
the
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apply
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participation
as well as
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hands on
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hands-on
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 activities to activate them from being isolated. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable that many
students
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 cannot keep their
focus
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 in school
due to
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 either external
factor
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factors
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such
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 as teaching techniques or internal
factor
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factors
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 like themselves, I am of the opinion that
a
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apply
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creative ways of study will largely impact
on
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apply
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the interests of the topic in order to create
a better learning strategies
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a better learning strategy
better learning strategies
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 in academic fields.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task response
Your essay provides a response to both parts of the question, detailing reasons for students' lack of concentration and suggesting solutions. However, some parts of the discussion could be expanded for clarity.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear, but there are some grammatical and linguistic issues affecting comprehension. Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary for clearer expression.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, improving the logical transitions between paragraphs could enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a smoother progression of ideas.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task response
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, providing reasons and solutions.
task response
You use some good vocabulary and expressions throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: