IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, think it is cruel and unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #medicines
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over the necessity of conducting experiments on
animals
.
While
 some claim that those tests are vital for the sake of humans, the opposite makes a statement that they should be prohibited.
While
 the latter notion is valid to some extent, I consider myself a proponent of the former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Without a shadow of a doubt,
animals
 act as indispensable subjects for scientific research to contribute to
people
’s well-being.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that there are no better substitutions for
animals
 since they have a close resemblance and cell structures to humans.
Therefore
, their responses to external disturbances are likely to be the same as
people
 do. To be more specific, by observing the
express
Replace the word
expression
show examples
 of
animals
such
 as pains, stress and reproductivity when they interact with chemical substances, the scientists can predict the detrimental effects of drugs and products before selling them in the market.
Hence
, it is crucial to implement medical
testings
Fix the agreement mistake
testing
show examples
 on
animals
 in order to ensure
people
’s health.
While
 the need for doing experiments on
animals
 is widely acknowledged,
people
 have an obligation to reduce their suffering in those hazardous programmes.
This
 could be because a wealth of companies are abusing animal testing to diversify their commodities for commercial purposes
while
 they can be avoided.
For example
, thousands of rabbits living in several cosmetic laboratories in the US are going through destitute conditions and diseases
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. To deal with
this
 severe problem
people
 should boycott cosmetic products of the firms that make use of
animals
 as experiments’ subjects.
As a result
, if the number of demands declines, there will be fewer slaughtered
animals
.
Thus
,
people
also
 have a responsibility to curb scientific testing on
animals
. In conclusion,
although
animals
 can be seen as a resource for the
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of humans, the damage they take should be adjusted to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minimal level.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Ensure that every point made is directly relevant to the task prompt, and avoid unnecessary tangents that may detract from the main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
introduction and conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
supported main points
Each of the main points is sufficiently supported with explanations and examples, enhancing the overall argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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