IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, think it is cruel and unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #medicines
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the fact that animal-based testing has long been the centre of criticism. In my opinion,
while
 the former is valid to some extent, I would slightly consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt,
experiments
 on
animals
 for testing medicines are necessary for the sake of
people
.
This
 could be because
animals
 are not equivalent to humans, even though they bear a close resemblance to
people
, either in
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 or in cell structures. Specifically, there are some sentiments that
people
 know about themselves
such
 as pain, stress, reproduction
as well as
 nutrition
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
based on animal-based
experiments
.
Furthermore
, one of the main approaches of the test is to predict the risk of drugs or other products on
animals
, before applying them to humans.
Therefore
, almost animal-based testing is implemented for the development of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 medical field.
While
 the justification given for vivisection is widely acknowledged, researchers have the obligation to reduce animal testing and animal suffering. Particularly, there are several aspects that explain why
people
 should not abuse animal-based
experiments
such
 as growing recognition.
While
animals
 are used mostly for commercial objectives, most of them are evitable.
On the other hand
, some
people
 exploit
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 experimentation
for diversifying
Change preposition
to diversify
show examples
 their cosmetic products and expanding their profits, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
show examples
 a wealth of expenditure but
also
 more and more
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
 are
slaugtered
Correct your spelling
slaughtered
.
Hence
, scientists should know how to carry out those animal-based
experiments
 wisely in order to reduce animal testing and suffering. In conclusion, one can subscribe to the notion that
animals
 can be taken as potential resources for the well-being of humans, especially in medication,
although
 it is certain that suffering can be monitored to the lowest.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of your arguments by avoiding over-complex sentences and ambiguous phrases. Use more straightforward constructions to make your points easy to understand.
task achievement
Strengthen your essay by including more specific examples and elaborating on them. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a thoughtful conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed both perspectives on the issue, demonstrating a good level of engagement with the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay displays a commendable range of vocabulary and attempts at complex sentence structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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