Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely?

#people #information #research #business #world

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It is argued by some people that

idea

Correct article usage

the idea

show examples

of sharing information is excellent

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

in research, business and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the academic world,

meanwhile

Add a comma

meanwhile,

show examples

others believe that valuable data should not be shared freely. By providing individuals with useful information, they could re-make their project and make it much better,

while

Linking Words

access to that vital one can cause competition

Change preposition

show examples

that sphere. On the one hand, it is good to give tips to someone, as there are some moments when

individual

Add an article

an individual

the individual

show examples

can struggle to achieve desired results.

Hence

Linking Words

, by

this

Linking Words

data person can improve his research.

For example

Linking Words

, there are so many collaborations

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

available now,

such

Linking Words

as Oreo and Nutella and Adidas and Nike. By

co-operation

Add a comma

co-operation,

show examples

these companies improved

thier

Correct your spelling

their

product by exchanging recipes and made

taste

Add an article

the taste

show examples

of the food more tasty and delicious.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, important secrets can not be given simply. For

the

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

reason, by using that , there will be more competitors in one particular area.

For instance

Linking Words

, in

cartoon

Correct article usage

the cartoon

show examples

called SpongeBob

SguarePants

Correct your spelling

SquarePants

main

Add an article

a main

the main

show examples

character called Crabs

was

Wrong verb form

show examples

terrified that

recipe

Correct article usage

the recipe

show examples

might spread and everyone

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

know

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

secret of making ideal burgers. He did not want to give it for a huge money, because there

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

be a big contest and his regular customers

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

forget about them

due to

Linking Words

a similarity.

Overall

Linking Words

, sharing information is a great idea as people could improve their projects

Change preposition

through

show examples

this

Linking Words

while

Correct word choice

but

show examples

it can

also

Linking Words

lead to

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rival

Fix the agreement mistake

rivals

show examples

among companies.

Submitted by aizered097 on Tue May 21 2024

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task response

Your essay provides a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is good. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. For instance, in the introduction, the statement 'access to that vital one can cause competition at that sphere' can be rephrased for better clarity. Additionally, 'there are so many collaborations are available now' should be corrected to 'there are so many collaborations available now.'

coherence

To improve coherence and cohesion, you should aim to strengthen the logical structure of your arguments. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of sharing information and the negative implications can be more fluid. Using transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'On the contrary' can help. Also, make sure each paragraph has a single main idea supported by relevant examples.

task response

Regarding task achievement, your examples are somewhat relevant, but they can be more specific and illustrative. For example, instead of using the cartoon 'SpongeBob SquarePants' to illustrate the importance of keeping secrets, you could use real-world business examples like Coca-Cola's secret formula or KFC's secret recipe. This would make your argument stronger and more credible.

introduction conclusion present

You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear thesis statement, which makes it clear to the reader what your essay will be discussing.

complete response

You have provided a balanced discussion, presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of sharing information, which shows that you understand both sides of the argument.

supported main points

You have made an effort to support your points with examples, even though they could be improved. The use of examples helps to make your arguments more concrete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

243 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

information sharing
scientific research
business
academic world
advancement of knowledge
progress
collaboration
cross-disciplinary research
open access
democratization of information
transparency
credibility
intellectual property
security concerns
commercial interests

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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people’s nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries around the world men and women are having children later in life.What are the reasons for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problem, as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?