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Band 5

People can live and work anywhere they want to choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#people #work #communication #technology #transport #development
It is sometimes argued that individuals are supposed to live and work in their favourite places
due to
 the improvement of transport and communication facilities. In my opinion, I hold the view that the advantages of
this
 development
is far outweigh
Change the verb form
far outweigh
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 the disadvantages. It is undeniable that
this
 tendency may cause some problems
to
Change preposition
in
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 society. In the first place, some cities which are less attractive to
people
 may
get
Verb problem
experience
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 depression in
economy
Add an article
the economy
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.
This
 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
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people
 tend to choose those cities which have more job opportunities or better
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environments
 as their accommodations, resulting
the
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in the
show examples
 population of their original
city
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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.
Therefore
, with fewer
people
, those cities have fewer
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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 to boost their
economy
. Meanwhile, it may
dilut
Correct your spelling
dilute
people
's families bonds. Even if it is more convenient for
people
 to
commuicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with others than before, chatting online can not share the same expression as they do in person.
For example
,
people
 who talk with their family by using
facetime
Capitalize word
Facetime
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 fail to get into the real
atomosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
, which means they are probably unable to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 messages from others accurately,
making
Verb problem
causing
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 misunderstandings.
Consequently
, it may incur
conflictions
Replace the word
conflicts
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 between them.
By contrast
, I strongly confirm that
this
 development has more benefits
that
Correct word choice
than
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 its drawbacks. First of all, it provides
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 opportunities for those
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 in a poor area. The main reason is that
people
 who stay in their hometown
where
Correct word choice
which
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 has a bad
economy
 gain
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances to live
in
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apply
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better lives.
However
,
depend
Change the form of the verb
depending
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 on the
imporvement
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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, they have the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
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 to resident in another
city
 to seek
for
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apply
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jobs. So that they have higher possibilities to live better than before.
Furthermore
, it decreases the potential cost
to live
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of living
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 in another
city
.
For example
, some
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can not bear the
city
 they live in, but
due to
 their
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 or friends all live in there, they have to suffer it. The
emerging
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emergence
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 of phones will surely let them
dispell
Correct your spelling
dispel
the
Correct your spelling
these
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 concerns
,
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apply
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 because they can work in another
city
while
 connecting with their besties. In conclusion,
although
this
 tendency may result in
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 problems and
soft
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soften
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people
's family bonds, I think the benefits of more opportunities and lower
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 to change a
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 are beyond its shortcomings.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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coherence cohesion
Under coherence and cohesion, ensure that all ideas presented in your essay are logically connected and flow smoothly from one to the next. Use clear and effective linking phrases to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is well-supported and clearly developed with relevant examples. Avoid vague or unsupported ideas to strengthen your task achievement score.
general
Pay attention to language accuracy and clarity. Some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing can hinder the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
The essay responds completely to the topic, presenting both advantages and disadvantages, and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, with a concise presentation of your viewpoint, which provides clarity to your essay.
task achievement
The essay is quite comprehensive with points briefly supported by relevant but slightly vague examples.
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