IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government should spend money on railways rahter than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#government #money #railways #rahter #roads
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There are different ideas in society about whether authorities must invest more in the train
system
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 compared with the
road
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system
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.
This
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 essay will argue that absolutely
roads
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 play a more significant role in both public and goods transportation, considering that indeed railways
also
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 are needed to give the people
further
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 options for their transporting goals. It is generally acknowledged that after introducing rail transportation to the world, people found a safer and faster way to travel as there is no traffic in the railway
system
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. Definitely, the number of
road
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 accidents have been decreased dramatically
due to
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 its safety.
Additionally
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, it has facilitated international load transmission regardless of the weight and volume of goods. In comparison with the
last
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 centuries, the import and export industry rate has risen sharply with railway contribution. As an illustration, we are witnessing the advanced cars which are being sent to several countries by means of trains. There is no doubt that
although
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 the other ways of transportation have changed the different aspects of both life and industry, the
road
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system
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 can not be depleted
due to
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 its striking impact on the nation's development. It is still the best, easiest, and
also
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 cheapest way to commute.
Moreover
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, some unplanned problems can influence the railway
system
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 and in these situations always the best alternative will be the
road
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system
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. Obviously, despite their initial feature, the
roads
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 are the utmost used means for either governments or individuals. In conclusion,
nevertheless
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, the trains have been invented to be a replacement for the
roads
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, they can not be completely used in
this
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 regard.
This
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 essay argued different ideas and indicated the valuable role of
roads
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 during the entire century.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses the question asked and maintain a clear position throughout your essay. In this case, focus more explicitly on justifying why you believe roads should be prioritized over railways, offering more direct comparisons and expressions of your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim to logically organize your paragraphs and ensure clear transitions between them. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate more concrete examples and data to support your main points where possible. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the subject matter and increases your essay's persuasiveness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable development
  • transportation infrastructure
  • urban mobility
  • decongesting
  • emissions
  • economic growth
  • remote regions
  • modernization
  • reliable alternative
  • public safety
  • pollution
  • tourism
  • facilitating access
  • infrastructure investment
  • balanced approach
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